I have no idea how my system would react if I caught Covid-19. I don’t know if I would spread it to my husband. It may be that I am more precautious than I need to be. I may never know what would or would not have happened if I decided to throw caution to the wind and join my friends who meet regularly and take photos of themselves gathered together without masks. It’s possible that I am the silly one and they are right to just get out and live because they do all kinds of things that I would be reluctant to try and none of them ever get sick. Sometimes I suspect that they think my aversion to being risky is silly and a sign that I am more fearful of the virus than I should be. 

In truth there are so many unknowns about this virus that I have to rely on sources that I trust and those happen to be our doctors. I follow their guidance even when it is uncomfortable because I believe that they have my best interests at heart. They have nothing to gain by leading me astray and so if they instruct me to behave a particular way, I follow their advice. 

I went on a long but almost hermetically sealed journey to Colorado because my doctors conceded that we would be okay due to the many levels of precaution that we have been religiously taking. As planned all went well and we managed to enjoy time in nature without really contacting any people other than my brother and sister-in-law who had also quarantined and been relatively isolated for months. Ironically we pulled our trailer through Kansas to get to Colorado and I commented to my husband then that the people there did not appear to be taking the virus seriously so we avoided them like the plague. Shortly after we returned home there was a huge outbreak of Covid-19 in Kansas which did not surprise me at all. 

When my nephew got married recently I consulted with my doctors once again and this time they advised me not to go. It was a huge disappointment to me because I had purchased a special dress with a mask to match, but I stuck with my plan to continue to listen to my doctors rather than public opinion. My daughter and her family represented us at the gathering and sent me tons of pictures as the event was happening. It was not quite the same as being there but I still felt the joy and the love. 

As far as I know there was no one who attended the wedding who came down with Covid-19 but there was no way for me to be certain of that beforehand, so I chose caution over taking a risk. In fact that is what guides me during this time. I am personally rather healthy. I tend to be very tough and have not had many serious health issues in my lifetime but who really can be certain how Covid-19 will affect them? More importantly what might occur if I infect someone else? These are not issues to be taken lightly and since I have the luxury of staying home because I am retired I see no reason to play Russian roulette. The doctors have enough on their hands without adding me or someone that I infect to the mix. My more sequestered life is a small price to pay if even one person stays well because I have chosen to be more circumspect.

I am quite patient and optimistic about the future but I have always believed that each of us  has a role to play in making the world a better place. I have observed that in countries where people religiously adhere to certain standards of protection the virus has almost become a nonevent. When people are willing to wear masks, keep distances, curb unnecessary activities, trace the spread of the disease and submit to temporary lockdowns in specific areas where Covid-19 cases are growing, the rates of infection are far lower. Places like New Zealand and South Korea immediately enacted strict measures that have resulted in fewer cases and deaths than in similarly populated countries where there has been push back on any kind of restriction.

I am saddened that we appear to be entering another wave of illness. It means suffering and perhaps even death. I intend to do my part by playing it safe. I have no guarantee that I will not be touched by Covid-19 but at least I know that I am doing my best not to tempt fate. I know for certain that my daughters would be greatly disappointed in me were I to ignore the directives from those who know the most about this disease and take unnecessary chances. They have worked hard to keep me and their father safe which has meant sacrifice on all of our parts. 

I do not begrudge those who disagree with my way of thinking. In the end they may actually be proven to have been right in simply living in spite of Covid-19. So far they appear to be doing quite well and I hope more than anything that they stay that way. If this all just miraculously goes away I will rejoice with them. For now I feel about my caution the same way I feel about purchasing insurance. I want to be careful and so I buy it, but I would rather not ever have to use it. Thus my self confinement will continue until my doctors give me the green light to rush full force back into the world. My insurance will stay in place.