Month: August 2022

I will never be accused of behaving like the rabbit in the folktale of old. Instead slow and steady is my pace. I obsess over decisions until I finally make them. My planning to do or purchase things may take months or years. Only once in my life did I do something impulsive and that quick choice might have been a disaster, but luckily was not.

I was a month shy of twenty years old when I walked down the aisle to marry my husband. He was as wet behind the ears as I was, but at least he was a legal twenty one. We looked like children dressed in wedding clothes, but somehow I knew that in spite of the rapid nature of my decision it was the right one. I believed that if I had chosen to walk away from the relationship and think it over for a couple of years I might have ended up regretting my hesitation for the rest of my life.

I look back now and consider all of the possibilities that might have made my impulsive move a total disaster. Neither of us had any real skills or a steady job. We were launching our life together on a wing and a prayer. We found a nice little apartment with all utilities paid as part of the one hundred ten dollar a month rent and tucked away our wedding gifts in the drawers of second hand furniture. The only thing new in our tiny home was a burnt orange sofa that we purchased from FedMart with funds that we had earned from our summer jobs. Somehow we were as happy as any two people have ever been and not even aware enough notice that we were barely making it on our slender budget. 

Some evenings we ate cooked cabbage for dinner with canned pineapple for dessert. Once in awhile my mother-in-law would purchase a side of a cow and give us a few packages of meat. My mother brought us bags of vegetables and fruit. She had taught me how to make a feast out of almost nothing, so we never starved. 

Eventually we found our footing financially and expanded our family with the arrival of two little girls. My more cautionary nature took hold about that time, so it took me a long while to agree to purchase a house. Even then I was very conservative in what I was willing to spend. We ended up with a gem that was a bargain to boot. We would live in that house for over thirty years remodeling it once to expand the square footage and make it a bit more livable. During that time we had the most wonderful neighbors with whom we forged a lasting friendship. Life was as good on our street as I had imagined and hoped it would be. 

To this day I measure my decisions very carefully. I may sometimes appear to be spontaneous, but that is only because I silently stew over what to do before I finally feel that the time is right. So it was when we decided to move from the home that had seen birthdays, graduations, promotions, evenings with friends, holidays, and grieving for loved ones we had lost. It was a difficult determination, not at all like knowing that the time for getting married was exactly right. Even when we had sold the house and the movers had taken all of our things to the new home, I stood in the empty rooms sobbing and questioning why I had thought it was a good idea to leave. 

As it happened the old neighborhood eventually deteriorated. The neighbors we had grown to love moved away or died. Our new home became a happy place with as many memories as the old. We saw that the cycle of life moves forward whether we wish it to or not. We can’t stop the passage of our lives or the goodbyes to old friends. All of it is inevitable. The trick is in knowing when it is time for a change, for something new. 

I’ve learned to trust my instincts. Somehow they have always served me well, but only that one time that I got married almost without thought have I ever jumped at a change or a major purchase. I’ve learned to be patient, willing to wait for exactly the right moment to try a new job, take a trip, make an investment, get a new hairstyle.

I’ve seen that life is going to send many curve balls my way that force me to react. Emergencies arise and I do not have the luxury to hesitate. The water raining from the ceiling has to be cleaned up immediately, the dead battery has to be replaced. If I have been careful in all other things I have the wherewithal and the energy to take care of the unexpected. I save my rashness for such times. 

Nonetheless, I dream. I imagine throwing caution to the wind and moving to the mountains that I so love. I think of purchasing a plane ticket to fly to London and then crossing the Channel to France where I will begin a grand tour of Europe with no thought of how long I will be gone or how much I will spend. Instead I curb such dreams, compromising by thinking of how and when I might create a more defined plan that allows me to go to London and Paris without damaging my bank account. I find a time when I won’t have to worry about my father-in-law’s care while I am gone. When I have it all figured out I will move quickly leading some around me to wonder how I get by with being so impulsive. If only they knew the complexity of my thinking that allows me to finally make a move.

I like to consider how we humans developed certain things. it makes sense that we decided to find different ways of preparing the food that we eat, but what prompted an ancient person to paint figures on the wall of a cave? Babies seem to naturally sing, but how did people figure out how to build musical instruments and then invent a system of notes to record tunes? I can envision an individual of long ago making a speech, but what prompted someone to create a story and then act it out? We really are an amazing lot that goes so far beyond merely surviving like most of our fellow creatures on the planet. 

Acting is a particularly human invention. I suspect that it first came about as a way of teaching. Conveying information is much more fun and memorable if it comes in the form of a story with different characters. Virtually every civilization has used acting in one form or another either as a form of spreading beliefs or just for pure entertainment. There have always been individuals among us who are particularly adept at demonstrating emotions with facial expressions and voice. Ancient Greeks, Romans and primitive groups all enjoyed acting in some form or another. 

Over time acting has become an art form. We have geniuses who learn and perfect techniques much as athletes practice the skills of their trade. While some actors appear to have been born with the ability to play a thousand different roles, the best are continually training and refining their talents. Some become legendary for their ability to totally transform themselves into believable characters unlike themselves. Like Fred Astaire they make what they do look easy, but anyone who has attempted to act understands how difficult it really is.

I have a grandson who spent four years working with his high school theater group. I watched him evolve from silly roles to playing serious parts that brought the audience to tears. He began with a bit of ham in his bones, but he really became convincing in his roles after years of direction from his very talented teacher. Acting is not something that just anyone can do. It takes dedication and hard work. It is way more than just having a pretty face. Lots of people dream of making it big, but few actually make it. 

My favorite actors are able to convey a world of emotion in a single twitch of the eye or the phrasing of a sentence.  Denzel Washington and Tom Hanks are so good at such things that they probably merit an Academy award with every performance. Hard work and charisma have transformed both men into legendary actors who command the screen whenever the camera follows them. 

There are some actors who can take an ordinary part in a subpar film to greatness that would not be there without their presence. Sir Laurence Olivier was one of those people as was Jimmy Stewart. Some actors become famous simply because they are likable and they play roles in movies that people may enjoy, but few think of them as being geniuses in their trade. Others push themselves to go beyond the ways that their fans see them. Charlize Theron is way more than a beautiful, sexy woman. She is able to believably transform herself into a monstrous murderer. Doing his takes more than just raw talent.

My grandson sometimes misses his acting days. He studied to be a computer engineer and has a wonderful job that he enjoys and that will sustain him for years to come. Part of him thinks of joining a small acting company where he might perform once again, but for now he does not have the time that it takes to prepare for a play. The work on such things is far more demanding that most of us realize. It takes hours of memorizing lines and rehearsing until every second of the production goes smoothly. 

I sometimes hear people ignoring commentary from actors as though what they do is simply a frivolity that has little value in our lives. They complain that actors become unfairly wealthy for “playing” rather than earning a real living. Those who say such things really do not understand that most people involved in acting never reach the heights of the stars even as they toil away hoping to one day be discovered.

I knew a man who managed to make a living in Hollywood playing small parts. He had a rather impressive resume of movies and television programs in which he became minor characters with only a few minutes on the screen. His work kept a roof over his head and food on his table but not a great deal more. He loved his occupation but often bemoaned the realities of low pay, grueling work under the lights, and little recognition. When I once told him about my grandson’s love of acting he urged me not to encourage the young man to act for a living. He spoke of the anxieties and rejections that would be his lot in life if he followed such a dream. He told me that the biggest stars who work regularly surrender their lives to the craft and to the public. He said that it was a very difficult life that required dedication and thick skin and more often than not brought very little in rewards. 

I suppose that it is in our human natures to be creative enough to have invented acting. As with our athletes and scientists and engineers and writers and teachers and doctors we sort each other out into categories that emphasize our strengths. I admire actors, not because I believe that they are somehow magical but because I truly understand how difficult their work actually is. I thank them for the wonderful moments of entertainment that they have provided me. They are true artists and craftspersons to whom we owe a bit of respect. If done well their work causes us to learn and to think. In a way they are visual teachers whom we need to satisfy our own inquisitive and artistic natures. Life would be rather dull without them.

I have a brother who has a highly rational way of thinking. He is grounded in an extraordinary background of mathematics and scientific reasoning. He approaches the world with many questions whose answers he unravels through processes of experimentation and inquiry. He sports both an open and critical mind at one and the same time. He decides on the truth of ideas based on rigorous proofs rather than simple beliefs. His skepticism is not simply denying something because he does not wish it to be true, but a way of actually proving whether or not something is fact or fiction. In that spirit he has been a subscriber to the Skeptical Inquirer magazine for many years. He is a devotee to using the scientific method to determine truths whenever possible. When it comes to deciding on the worth of an idea he is as unemotional as Spock. 

The Skeptical Inquirer says this about skepticism: 

We are all skeptics. Skepticism is a part of everyday common sense we all use. It is also a key component of scientific thinking. It helps lead to fact-based judgements about what is real and what is not. It allows you to see for yourself which claims you’ve heard stand up to tests of evidence and which do not. 

Humans have used skepticism to advance scientific knowledge, but there have always been deniers unwilling to accept the evidence and instead cling to myths and false beliefs. Galileo reasoned that the sun, not the earth, was at the center of our universe. His idea was considered blasphemy and he endured persecution because he was unwilling to recant his theory. His proof lay in his observations of Venus with a telescope. He saw that Venus went through phases like our moon does. The only way to explain this was that Venus was going around the sun, not the Earth. He also saw three of Jupiter’s moons which would have been impossible if the Earth were the center of the universe. In the 1500s Copernicus reinforced Galileo’s idea that the Earth orbits around the sun. Additional scientific work over time proved Galileo’s hypothesis to be absolutely true.

Folklore is the opposite of of scientific discovery. It takes an idea and spreads it as truth without the rigors of investigation. There have always been tales and superstitions that have circulated in societies. in today’s world we have an anti-science movement that questions everything from vaccines to climate change. Sadly such trends slow down the progress of those who devote themselves to proving or disproving the worth of various ideas. Right now we are seeing a resurgence of diseases long thought to be eliminated as the anti-vax crowd insists that it is more dangerous to give their children immunizations than to risk catching illnesses like polio, measles, smallpox or even Covid-19. Sadly people are denying the research that was proven to be safe and effective decades ago. 

The anti-science movement is so prevalent and destructive that doctors, nurses, researchers, professors and all forms of scientists are literally being harassed and threatened with violence. There are those who would try them and incarcerate them just as Galileo was long ago. Things have become so bad that some scientific spokespersons literally fear for their lives simply because they have voiced what they know to be ideas proven by rigorous scientific method. It seems almost barbaric to have people returning to an unwillingness to accept science that takes us back to a time of great ignorance. 

Too many people are politicizing science and scientists rather than appreciating their efforts. There is nothing wrong with questioning things, but our sources of information should not be politicians or businesses or posts on social media. We should be seeking experts who have devoted their skills to unlocking truths about the world around us. We should be inspecting the validity and reliability of studies and forming our conclusions based on the scientific method whose steps include making an observation or asking a question, gathering background information, creating an hypothesis, making predictions and performing tests, analyzing results and drawing conclusions, sharing those conclusions or asking new questions, documenting the results of experiments. 

There is nothing wrong with questioning things about which we are unsure. We can even come up with our own theories about things, but unless we put those ideas to a rigorous test or do some massive research from reliable sources we are doing ourselves and those around us a grave disservice . It is foolhardy to pretend to know more than the experts. I’ve learned the importance of studying issues before making decisions. A bit of true skepticism leads us to fact based decisions. Beware of those who deny the truth simply because they do not like the conclusions. They set us back and make our lives more difficult. We have many problems to solve. We would do well to listen to those who have devoted their lives to investigating particular issues and using the scientific method to separate truth from fiction. Our future depends on whether we look forward or descend backward. The choice seems fairly clear. 

I am becoming more and more intrigued by the idea of owing an electric vehicle or even a hybrid. My husband watches videos from a car enthusiast named Sandy Munro who is an automotive engineer who helped Ford Motor Company to improve methods of assembly engines. He has taken to rating the various EVs based on his vast and highly respected experience in manufacturing. Surprisingly there appear to be a great many from which to choose that Mr. Munro rates as being worthy investments. While he still classifies Teslas as the best of the bunch he has been quite optimistic about many others that can be purchased for far less money. His commentaries encourage me to set aside my skepticism of electric cars. Now I keep thinking that it would be fun to be part of the revolutionary switch from gasoline powered autos to those that run on electric motors. 

I suppose that there was a time when cars first hit the market that people clung tenaciously to their horses and buggies. Only those who envisioned the future took a chance on putting their horses out to pasture and investing in one of the new fangled machines. There weren’t many gas stations along the roads back then and it no doubt worried folks that they might find themselves stranded on a remote road with no gasoline. Today I suppose that one of the main concerns about the electric autos is the lack of charging stations. I would submit that with enough demand our roads will be soon be sites of charging stations across the nation just as they are now with gas stations.

My grandson and a son-in-law have purchased hybrids that don’t need to be plugged in and run on a combination of electricity and gasoline. They get somewhere in the range of fifty five miles to a gallon of gas and are able to make three hundred mile round trip journeys without having to gas up either during the trip or when they get back home. The era of electrically run automobiles appears to be on the horizon and I’d like to be part of the revolution whether I go halfway with a hybrid or all in with a totally electric car. 

According to Mr. Munro, auto manufacturers like Ford, Chevrolet, Honda, Toyota, Volkswagen, Hyundai, Mercedes Benz, and so many others are already producing very reliable EVs that cost anywhere from in the low twenty thousands to over one hundred thousand for luxury models. While the initial sticker prices can seem hefty, Mr. Munro insists that these cars will last longer than conventional gasoline cars, save thousands in gasoline and repair costs. and operate efficiently. Munro predicts that electric cars are the future of transportation and that before long there will be charging stations all along highways and major roads. 

My husband is totally sold on the idea of having an electric car. He has always been an innovator. We had a home computer before most people even knew what they were. He promised that our first little machine that did not do very much at all would change our lives, and it did. I was the first person in my school district to have an electronic grade book that my husband created for me. Our daughters cut their teeth on computer games and even simple programming. Computers became as commonplace in our home as a telephone or electricity and running water in a time when the idea of personal computing still sounded like someone’s fantasy.

My husband made me a believer of trying new things, so switching to an electric car makes sense to me. I’d also like to install solar panels on my house, but my present roof is probably seventeen years old and I want to wait to see if a hurricane comes ashore and blows some of it away before I install panels on a roof that we may have to replace soon. I’m excited and ready to herald new ways of living. 

I still remember when my father brought a television into our home. I was not yet in school, so I could not have been more than three or four years old. I did not know of anyone else in our circle who had such a wondrous machine. Our viewing hours were limited because there were still very few shows. Nonetheless, we learned quickly how wonderful the old black and white thirty minute programs could be. It wasn’t long before everyone seemed to have a television in the home just like we did. 

I also remember when the very thought of rockets traveling to the moon sounded absurd, but I was there when the first American soared into space for a few minutes. Later my Science teacher, Mrs. Colby, would extoll the merits of space travel just as Mr. Munro does with EVs today. I still get chills thinking of watching the astronauts walking on the moon. 

People now get heart transplants and even mechanical ones that save their lives. I received injections that built new bones inside my body. Our smartphones are more powerful than the old computers used to put men on the moon. Science is moving forward and I want to race along with it. The hard part will be deciding which of the cars to choose. I guess I need to watch a few more of Sandy Munro’s videos. It may be a while longer before I take the leap of faith. Be ready though. If a car comes down your street and you don’t hear it approaching because it does not have a gasoline engine, it just might be me in my new electric vehicle. 

I loved the title of Michelle Obama’s autobiography, Becoming. It speaks to the process that we all enjoy or endure as we grow into adults. Most of us feel a bit uncertain about ourselves during those often painful years of adolescence and teens and early twenties. It can take time to fully appreciate ourselves for who we are. I’ve written about the moment when I looked into the mirror and was honestly able to say that I liked the woman I saw in the reflection. I was twenty-five years old and had two small children and the makings of an unfinished college degree. Suddenly I knew that I was on the right track and that I was a beautiful soul in my own right. 

Up to that moment I had tended to focus only on the flaws that I saw in my hair or my face or my personality. I wanted to look like and be somebody else. Finally I realized that as imperfect as I was, I was still pretty darn good. Over time I watched myself get better and better. My confidence soared and as it did there was a twinkle in my eyes and a smile on my face that overcame any deficiencies that I might have. 

I don’t exactly know how I came to that point in life. I attribute much of it to the love that friends and family showered on me. There is something life-changing about knowing that there are others willing to support you in whatever you choose to do or say or be. When others don’t care if your fine hair is flying all akimbo or if you gain a few pounds, a new sense of freedom from insignificant worries takes over. It bolsters your feelings about yourself and only gets better as you grow older. 

I like that I can walk around in my bare feet working on my garden with dirt under my fingernails and the people that I care about smile when they see me, not even noticing how sweaty and disarrayed I am. Reaching a point of feeling beautiful from the inside out is glorious! It allowed me to concentrate less on myself and more on others, even though now and again I catch a glimpse of myself and think that I really do need to eat fewer sweets or get my hair trimmed a bit more often. I suppose that the most negative feelings that I sometimes have involve feeling that there is so much more that I might do for people. 

I was reading reflections from a young woman who had lost her mother. She pointed out how we take life for granted. We get busy doing unimportant things and put off going to see the person who is feeling alone or making a quick phone call to check on someone. She urged everyone to live their lives without regret, a tall order, but one that we can improve if we set our priorities and then stick with those plans. 

Those weeds in the garden can wait. The silly television program is not that important. Buying a four dollar cup of coffee may not be the best investment. Instead we might stop our work to talk to our neighbor. That money for the cup of coffee might help a child to get a pack of paper or some pencils for school. Passing on television watching to write a note to a sick friend is a much more wonderful use of our time. 

When I think of the most beautiful people that I know, compassion and generosity are their most outstanding qualities. They may not be deemed attractive in the widely accepted sense, but everyone sees them as being gorgeous. It really is the content of our hearts that makes us attractive to others. People are beloved because they love.

I have a friend who recently died. All of us who knew her agree that she was a stunningly beautiful woman. She herself was embarrassed by her weight and sometimes avoided going out in public because she was ashamed. I wish we had told her over and over again that just being with her made us feel good and whole again. Her smile healed our wounded hearts. We never saw an overweight woman. We saw one of the most beautiful people who ever walked on this earth. We hope that from her heavenly perch she now sees how much of a gift she was to us. 

Look in the mirror and gaze beyond the superficial. Know and love yourself and your heart. Each of us is precious to the world. We have love to give that someone desperately needs. Therein lies our beauty. Let it shine!