The world is certainly going through a dramatic phase of upheaval in seemingly every corner of the globe. Here in the USA we are in an election year which brings out the grumbling and hand wringing on an almost daily basis. It sometimes feels as though the level of complaining is at a fever pitch. When we humans are subjected to increased negativity we are prone to finding ourselves joining in with the cacophony of whining that is so prevalent. Everyone seems to have a beef about something. We are enduring an epidemic of dissatisfaction that is making us all uncomfortable and leading to breakups and skirmishes on personal and worldwide levels.

We’ve all encountered someone who can’t seem to find satisfaction with any aspect of life. They are sad sacks who are notorious for moaning about situations that seem unimportant. They argue with cashiers in stores, complain about the food in restaurants or the perceived lack of attentiveness by a waiter. They perennially see their glasses as half full and seem to believe that the universe is purposely set against them. It’s difficult to be around such individuals but if we stop to consider what is causing them to be constantly negative we usually find that they have endured larger traumas that have led them into cycles of chronic depression. The more they grinch, the less likely people are going to be willing to be around them and so they end up feeling victimized in a self fulfilling prophecy of being misunderstood. 

Upheavals in our lives affect each of us differently. Sometimes there are so many challenges that we are overwhelmed and the negativity that we present to the world is an effort to get someone’s attention and ultimately their help. Often we only want to be reassured that everything will ultimately be okay. Not everyone is rational enough to be a stoic who quietly bears burdens with the understanding that most tough situations eventually pass given enough time. Some people just need to get the poisons of fear and anger out of their systems. 

There are loving ways that each of us can deal with the chronic worrier or the person who finds fault rather than joy in every situation. Pushing them away or telling them to get over their agitation only reinforces their belief that nobody cares about feelings that are so real to them. Instead we might simply provide them with a safe place to express how they are actually feeling in the moment. When we do so we will generally find that they find solace just in knowing that someone is willing to hear what they have to say rather than immediately stifling their ability to explain themselves. 

If we actively listen to a person who is ranting about a situation we usually find that something far deeper than just a negative personality is driving their words and actions. Loneliness, fears and profound losses affect our outlooks on life. Abandonment or abuse as a child colors our ability to trust others to treat us fairly. Instances of prejudice or injustice make people wary of being mistreated. Our personal histories make each of us uniquely vulnerable. 

I will be the first to admit that I have shifted into an almost chronic state of worry in the past few years. I was indeed traumatized by the sudden and unexpected death of my father. My entire world changed in a heartbeat and since that moment I have always looked over my shoulder wondering when then next tragedy will consume me. I was an adult before I was able to feel confident that I am capable of overcoming challenges that seemed to come my way in waves. I was shocked once again when my mother became chronically afflicted with bipolar disorder. I felt personally beset upon when my husband nearly died in his mid-twenties. Life has been a rollercoaster for me but things always ultimately work out. Nonetheless, when I feel threatened with yet another test of my endurance my initial reaction is to come unglued. When that happens all I really need is someone who will take my anxieties seriously and simply love and encourage me until I regain my footing. Lectures on being tough only send me into more of a frenzy. 

I suspect that most people are like me. We all face problems and sometimes even feel as though ours are more difficult that those of others. We react or overreact and a good person will allow us to wallow in self pity for a moment. Often just knowing that someone understands our feelings is the only thing we need to toughen up again. The angels who love us even when we are frightened and weak do more to help us heal than all the lectures about how we should think or behave. 

Life can be very difficult and cruel. The slings and arrows that attack us sometimes send us into funks that make us bad company. If we are lucky there will be someone around to let us rant and cry and complain without questioning or  judging us. Sadly not everyone is fortunate enough to have steadfastly loving people around them. There are indeed souls who feel abandoned, forgotten, misunderstood. When we hear them complain we might ask ourselves to consider that what they really need is someone to hear their cries for help that are cloaked in ugliness. 

Think of how much more wonderful the world would be if we walked for a moment in someone else’s shoes rather than preaching to them. Most of the troubles we witness in our fellow humans began long ago when life dealt them a blow. Sometimes all they really need to break the cycle of negativity that ensnares them is a single voice saying, “I hear you and I understand.”