I do not like to argue. I generally find that if a discussion devolves into an a disagreement there is little chance that any points I may be attempting to make will change a person’s mind. In fact it is more likely that such situations will switch from logical debate to an emotional word salad. Nobody is actually listening anymore when that happens so attempting to clarify my position is fruitless. 

The few times when I have attempted to hold my ground with someone while expressing my views have generally gone badly. Unless the airing of differences is controlled by agreed protocols the results can often be devastating to a relationship with little progress made in reaching an agreement or at the very least some kind of compromise. Maintaining cool heads in which each person is respectful and honest is the only way to reach a common voice. Particularly of late we humans appear to be struggling with the concept of allowing differing points of view to give voice without being ridiculed or derided. We seem to be more inclined to quickly choose sides and stand firm while making so much noise that common ground is unlikely to be found. 

Emotions and insults all too often become the stuff of disagreements which sadly lead to ruptures in relationships. Those kind of breaks end friendships, divide families, and sometimes lead to all out war. When we turn each other into enemies simply because we choose differing ways of living in the world, everyone suffers.  There may be winners and losers for the moment but the enemies that we make will be around long after the dust settles. How wonderful would it be if we might find a way to talk about our differences without hurting each other or being implacable?

We all have moments, however, when we must plant our feet and become at least somewhat immovable. For years I had to insist, with the aid of my brothers, that my mother see her doctors and take her psychotropic medications. Simply allowing her to devolve into a state of extreme mental illness was out of the question. We worked as a team to keep her healthy even when she raged against us. We do similar things with children or teens who are heading for trouble. We push long and hard to keep them from harming themselves or others. Doing such things requires love and patience and determination. The issues are so serious that turning away is not a viable choice. 

I totally understand the sorrow and difficulty of having a child who is acting out in frustrating and dangerous ways, especially if they are threatening to do something violent. Such instances are not always amenable to simple persuasion. Nonetheless we have surely seen enough tragedy as a society to know that we have to find ways to get those young people aggressive care and monitoring. I can’t imagine thinking that providing such a person with access to guns might help them to get past their anger or depression. 

We should be able to enlist the help of counselors, doctors and intensive therapies with every ounce of our concern. Instead I know that our system is littered with roadblocks that make it undeniably difficult to get the care and support that our loved ones need. It is as though we are incredibly naive about mental health and the needs of those who suffer. When we see them calling for help with frightening words and actions we seem to have no idea what to do. We back away, look the other way, make excuses for their behavior, choose all the wrong ways of handling the escalating illness.

If someone we know bleeds, we not only immediately clean and administer to the wound but we also want to know what caused the hemorrhaging in the first place. We notice the physical aspects of the people in our families and get them to medical care as soon as possible. We are far more reticent when the ailment is mental. We shy from dealing with it and many times there is no help to be had even if we were to put our hearts and souls into the effort of getting them well. 

I often sat on the phone for days attempting to find someone willing to take my mother as a patient. She was too old or she had the wrong kind of insurance or not enough money. She would have to wait for weeks or sit for hours in an emergency room only to be told that there was nothing anyone might do for her. Hospitals were full. Budgets for psychiatrists were slashed. While hearts and cancers garner public interest and funding, mental illness is the stepchild of our medical communities. Nonetheless every time there is a mass shooting we find out that efforts were made by people who were concerned with an individual but they somehow came to little or nothing. In other words we can say that we need better mental health for such people but we have yet to take our resolve seriously. 

I don’t like to argue in situations that have little hope of changing minds, but I do believe that somehow inside each of us there is a nagging feeling that we must do better when it comes to helping those whose mental states have become unravelled. This should be a societal issue that everyone rallies behind. When we look away or walk away children at school are killed, an assassination is successful, innocents lose their lives at ordinary events. Surely we can agree to quit shouting at each other and focus on building a serious mental health system that will not require anyone to wait unnecessarily or be so expensive that people have to walk away. Our safety demands that we humanely use all our resources to help quickly and with firm determination. Surely we can agree on that!