Day: November 11, 2024

I will try to measure my words carefully as I write how I am feeling, but experience has told me that no matter how hard I try to be calm and understanding there will be those who misinterpret my intent. I still physically hurt over the results of the presidential election last week. I have tried to make sense of it but I find myself coming up without answers again and again. Mostly I have been silent in my grief, but a few friends have reached out to me and we have commiserated with each other. I suppose that most people have simply moved on and are ready to jumpstart the holiday season, but it will take some time for my heart to mend because I have so many questions about what went wrong and why what I saw as goodness and justice was viewed so differently by the majority of Americans, many of whom are members of my family and dear friends.

I will admit that I have never once voted for Donald Trump. In my mind he represents the exact opposite of how I was taught to believe and be. It is clear to me that he has little respect for women and that he is a boastful man who often bullys the most vulnerable among us and anyone who dares to disagree with him. I have never heard him speaking with kindness and I feel that he has misrepresented himself as a Christian and protector of our nation. Every word he utters, every deed he performs seemed more concerned with enriching and enhancing his own power and wealth. His first term in office was chaotic and ended with the deaths of far too many Americans from Covid that he might have saved if he had not been so intent on making light of the pandemic. His dishonesty and bungling left most of the good men and women who had worked for him warning the rest of us that he is not to be trusted with the reins of our nation. 

Then came January 6, 2021, when I saw and heard Trump become a dangerous force by taunting his followers with lies about the election that he had fairly lost. He turned on his own Vice President, Mike Pence, and goaded the people whom he had called to Washington to storm Congress and stop the legal certification of the election. It was the most stunning and traitorous moment that I had seen in my lifetime. I thought that surely he would go down infamy and never again be allowed to go near the Oval office. It was apparent to me that he could not be trusted to represent the democratic republic on which we all rely. The image of that day will never leave me. I can never forgive him for the insurgence that he created. If not for the courage of Mike Pence and the members of Congress we might have lost our government and the soul of our nation on that day. 

For four years I have waited for justice to come to Donald Trump only to be disappointed again and again. I have watched him carefully the way that my mother taught me to protect myself from those who might harm me. I listened to what he was saying and doing and it was all so horrific to me. The ugliness and hate that he spewed from his mouth made it all the more unbelievable that he did not seem to lose his faithful followers. The fact that no real punishment for his many crimes was forthcoming inflamed my own sense of right and wrong. I am not vindictive in any way. In fact I tend to be reticent and more inclined to a willingness to forgive, but Trump made no effort to be contrite. His diatribes only became more and more dishonest and vile. I believed that surely I was not the only one noticing this. I felt certain that in the end the American people would vote to save decency and our democracy over all other issues. I could not believe that any other concern we might have had was as important as finally sending this horrible man away. 

I realize that inflation has been a terrible burden on the citizens of our nation. For that matter it has stalked the entire world. The consequences of a worldwide event like the pandemic often take years to resolve and we have been moving in the right direction. The truth is that much of the bombast that Trump spouted about the economy was an oversimplification of the issues. He talked about the high price of eggs without acknowledging that we also had a terrible outbreak of avian influenza that resulted in the deaths of many of the chickens. He never addressed the worldwide supply chain issues that affected trade because of Covid. He acted as though all we needed to do to bring down the price of gasoline is drill more when surely he knew as I did that in the last four years there has been more drilling in the United States than in the four years of his presidency. The US companies are delivering oil on a large scale. Prices have come down.

The truth is that the economy is complex and no longer based only on what happens in the United States. International trade is essential to businesses and installing strict tariffs may indeed make things far worse. The unintended consequences of such a move will no doubt create an artificial trade war that will trickle down even to all of us and will most certainly increase the price of goods even more. 

The issue of immigration certainly needs to be addressed. Most of us agree on that. Sadly Trump used his influence to kill a bill in Congress that would have been a start in the right direction. His promise to deport millions will be chaotic and inhumane. It too will have a negative effect on the economy and no doubt on our reputation in the world. I suspect that many innocents will be caught up in the hunt for illegals and the cost of such a huge endeavor will be mind-blowing. 

How do I know these things? It is because I spend hours each day researching every issue. I listened to the exact words that Trump uttered at his many rallies and on his Truth Social platform. I read the analyses of economists, constitutional experts, scientists, lawyers, anyone who had carefully studied each of the issues and in virtually every instance it became apparent to me how disastrous a Trump presidency would be for all of us. For that reason I made a terrible error in judgement. I assumed that everyone else was thinking the way I was and that we Americans would set things right by resoundingly rejecting the evils and lies of Donald Trump once and for all time. 

I have been devastated to learn that not only did few people see things the way I do but that many of them truly see people like me as the hateful and ignorant ones. As though I am looking into a fun house mirror I hear them repeating a distorted version of my own feelings. They see Trump as the savior, the good Christian man who will protect us and bring down prices and make our nation strong while I am literally drowning in concerns over whether or not our country will even make it when we have given so much power to such a weak and cruel man. 

So this is how I am feeling. This is what I believe. I have cried and felt a sense of anxiety that is soul crushing. I would like to be wrong but somehow my instincts tell me that the times ahead will be treacherous for us all. I won’t be unfriending anyone. That is not my style. My love for friends and family is unending even when they turn on me. For now I have to heal my disappointed heart. There will be serious work to be done to get us through the coming years. I hope that the day will come again when we are led by decency and concern for all. I will be working to make that happen. I want our young citizens to have a role model who does not spew hate, division and lies. I want a president who will make us proud again. I know there are people out there who will fit the bill. Hopefully the damage that Trump will surely do will not be enough to destroy us. We have much work to do. 

Back at the end of the nineteen seventies my husband brought home a TRS 80 computer from Radio Shack. I thought he had lost his mind when I heard what he had payed for the thing but I composed myself when I saw the look in his eyes as he described what he believed was the future of technology. That machine worked with a tape deck and did very little but he made it sing, spending hours guiding it do things that seemed a tiny bit amazing. 

It wasn’t long before he became an Apple groupie bringing one of their computers into our home with as much optimism as he had shown for what we jokingly called the “Trash 80.” I was actually impressed with the Apple II e with its two floppy disc drives. I was able to do a great deal more with his increased capabilities and larger memory. By then our daughter was learning to do some simple programming to create a game and my husband was making the computer do all kinds of useful things. He created a wonderful electronic system for storing and averaging grades that I got permission to use instead of the old fashioned handwritten and calculated grade book. Our family was on its way to a technological world and I was not at all angry that we were running ahead of the curve. 

Of course we’ve updated and upgraded consistently since those times. The laptop that I use to compose my blogs has more capabilities than the huge machines used at NASA to put men on the moon. I almost take the convenience of my phone and my watch and all of the other advances for granted these days. I get to places I have never before been without a paper map. My phone provides wonderful directions. I constantly look up information on my computer. I have multiple digital subscriptions to newspapers and magazines. I easily stream movies and television programs. I can remotely teach with Zoom. I marvel every single day at how much easier it is to live than it was way back when so many things had to be done by hand. I even have a little robot that vacuums my home leaving me with more time to do other things.

My husband continues to look ahead at the inventiveness of humans. He plans to get a new phone that will monitor many of his health issues. He is excited about trying AirPods that will supposedly act as hearing aids. Mostly he is fascinated by the promises of Artificial Intelligence. Thus we found ourselves watching a special program about the future of AI hosted by Oprah Winfree. 

Oprah looked at the good the bad and the ugly of AI. There are things that it may one day do that will change the way we educate our children and diagnose diseases and health issues. At the same time we are already seeing the capability of AI to create untrue situations that appear to be quite valid. All of the experts were both excited and wary of what the next ten years of AI may bring to society. If we are measured and sensitive to the needs of humanity in using AI it may create a wondrous world. In the wrong hands it has the potential to wreak havoc.

All of the experts who spoke insisted that the very sensitivity and creativity of humans will be the key in using AI properly. For example, teachers can use the diagnostic abilities of AI to quickly learn the individual needs of each and every student, but their personal touch will still be key in helping students to overcome deficiencies. Machines can’t build confidence or know the best way to work with someone. So there is a consensus that teacher will always be necessary. Sadly there is great concern that some jobs may become extinct with AI so society will have to be certain that everyone still has meaningful work to do. 

We have already heard about AI mimicking voices so well that different scams have been successful. People have been bullied and even black mailed with AI photo and video creations that make them appear to be deviant or criminal. The FBI has confirmed such instances that pushed individuals to commit suicide. We humans will have to become much more careful about jumping to conclusions based on evidence that may in fact have been altered or just made up from someone’s sick imagination. 

Nonetheless less the most avid fans of AI including my husband seem to think that overall the rapidly improving technology will rock the world even more than computers have done. They imagine elderly individuals being able to live in their homes with incredible machines that cook, clean and care for them. They see knowledge being conveyed at the fingertips of everyone. They predict a world in which much of the drudgery of labor will be performed by machines leaving us to use the more creative and inventive sides of our natures. 

I’m not so sure that I am totally convinced that this will be a good thing. I envision all kinds of problems. It is part and parcel of my training as an educator to anticipate hiccups before they happen. I see many things that might go wrong, especially since the process is moving so quickly that we may not have time to adapt and notice the kinks before they do great damage. I find myself being a bit unenthusiastic like I was when the TRS 80 came into my home. I’m hoping that my worries about AI will be just as unlikely as they were with technology back then. I like the idea of progress but will hold my opinion until I see what happens.