Author: Sharron Burnett

Stories of “what if” are legendary. Perhaps the most popular and touching is the Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life. Modern Day Versions include a current hit on Netflix called Dark Waters, a thriller about a man whose life mysteriously turns upside down and inside out in an instant. It is quite human to look backward and wonder about the might have beens that we did not experience because we chose a particular pathway or because unexpected challenges changed the direction of our lives. 

We all instinctively know that dwelling on our perceived mistakes or misdirections is not only unhealthy but totally useless. We can never go back and probably would not want to even if given a chance to do so. Our best bet is to learn from our past and more positively direct our lives into the future. Nonetheless it is all too easy to critique ourselves and our life choices in hindsight when it would be far better to ask how we might make adjustments in the now that might lead us to a future that is more to our liking. It really is never too late to make constructive changes in how we think and how we choose to live. 

There are so many things in life over which we have little or no control. At the same time we each have the capacity to determine how to react to the many tragedies and challenges that derail us. There are going to be moments that seem terribly unfair, horrors that other people don’t appear to have to endure. There is indeed an inequality in the world in which some individuals and groups seem to always get the short straw while others flit merrily along unaware of all the suffering around them. It can be daunting to keep moving forward when every step forward is followed by being pushed back down. Nonetheless we all know people who have made the best of horrific situations and somehow survived the arrows that incessantly whiz toward them. 

I have great compassion for those who are beaten down. In truth the cards really are stacked against some individuals. I can’t even imagine what kept enslaved people from giving up on life. I wonder what human determination kept them going from one day to the next. I marvel at those who endured the horrors of the Holocaust and went on the live productive and happy lives once they were freed. I don’t know if I would have be able to overcome the humiliation that some groups of people still endure to this very day. We humans have a dark tendency to compound the trials of people that we fear only because they are somehow different from ourselves. We fail to notice that they are much more like us than they are different from us. Every human wants to be loved and to feel safe. Such is a common theme of books, movies and songs. We each dream of a good life and we all fall victim to wondering if things would be better if only we might go back and change our histories and the ways that we humans view the world. 

Of course we know that time traveling backwards is impossible. We can’t save Abraham Lincoln from being assassinated. We can’t make sure that Adolf Hitler never rises to power. I can’t force my father to stay home instead of going for a ride that would end in his death. Such magical thinking does us little good but we can study the here and now and realize new pathways that will take us into the future. We can teach ourselves how to deal constructively with the challenges that will inevitably come our way. We don’t have to be mired in hopelessness. 

There were indeed people inside those concentration camps who mentally fought to maintain their sense of self and purpose. That is not to say that overcoming horrors is ever easy but our personal attitudes can help us if we are determined to survive even hellish situations. We all know someone who has done so. We admire those people greatly even as we wonder if we would have their strength in a similar situation. The human spirit can be a powerful force when we are determined to set things right. Our pasts can guide us, but it is in the present that we design our own futures. With hard work we might carve out a reasonable facsimile of the kind of life that we have always dreamed of enjoying. 

I become like a broken record when I speak of my mother but of all the people I have ever known she is the shining example of overcoming the slings and arrows of misfortune. Her life story reads like a sad tale and yet she rose above the constant streams of misfortune that best her. Born into a large immigrant family in the midst of the Great Depression she experienced prejudice and loss even as a child. She watched her mother being forcefully taken to a hospital after a mental breakdown. She had rocks and insults thrown at her as she walked to school. Her fiancé was killed in battle during World War II and she herself went through a time of great depression over losing him. She found love with my father but when she was only thirty he husband died suddenly leaving her with three children and little money. She somehow glued herself back together to earn a college degree and find a job as a teacher only to be brought down again by mental illness that would plague her for the remainder of her life. She would lose friends and be greatly misunderstood but through it all she maintained a generous and loving outlook on life, embracing people just as they were, loving them even when they chose not to love her. She died surrounded by people who revered her with assurances that hers had been a saintly life. 

There is nothing wrong with accumulating money and things and power as long as such persons also have stored the riches of generosity and compassion in their hearts as well. The present and the future should focus on how we might all get along better. It should develop all of our talents and skills in ways that are meaningful and open to new ideas and change for the betterment of all. In the end if we can say that we have truly loved with all of our hearts and worked to bring joy and comfort to others we will have been successful. Sometimes such a life seems tiny and unexceptional when in truth it really is the most wonderful kind of life of which we might dream. 

My father-in-law recently spoke of old photographs taken of him when he was a boy. It somehow seemed odd to me that such an item existed because as far as I know there are no photos anywhere of either my mother or my father when they were children. Like my father-in-law they were youngsters during the Great Depression. My father’s family moved from place to place in search of work and food and housing during that time. My mother’s family members were lucky to live in a home built and paid for room by room as my grandfather strove to build a life in America. My father-in-law was the son of a doctor who lived almost without notice of the depravations that so many endured. The contrasts between the stories of that historic moment coming from each of the three are striking and revealing of the differing ways that people endure difficult times. 

I suppose that life was hardest for my father and his family because my grandfather was a construction worker who traveled wherever he might find a construction project needing his skills. His parents did not own a home or have a full-time income that was a sure thing, so they had to resort to creative ways of earning enough to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. Sometimes that meant travelling to Mexico to purchase low cost vegetables and then selling them for a small profit to pay for food and shelter.

My mother often spoke with pride of how well her father had prepared for unexpected challenges. He owned the land and the house where they lived and even had separate property where he kept a cow and grew vegetables. With a job at a meat packing plant he was able to purchase scraps of meat at a discount, so the family never really worried about the basics of food and shelter even though there was no extra money for frills of any kind including new shoes and clothing. My mother wore dresses that had once clothed her three older sisters and shoes that had run down heels and holes in the soles. Her mother put cardboard inside to cover the openings. 

Mama remembers people coming to the back door of their home begging for any kind of food or drink. Since there were ten members of the family there was little to offer but my grandmother always found something to share if only a hot cup of coffee with a slice of bread. Christmas found the family luxuriating on gifts of an apple and an orange while birthdays meant receiving a nickel to save for a bag of broken cookies at the bakery just down the street. 

Since I had grown up hearing the stories of want and sacrifice from my parents it was startling to learn that some people fared much better during the time of worldwide depression. My father-in-law spoke with joy about the wonderful gifts that his parents and family members showered on him. He even had a little peddle driven car that he rode around in the sidewalks near his home. He vividly remembers Christmases when he received a BB gun and lots of wonderful toys that he wishes he still owned. When he spoke of the photos of him as a child he smiled at the thought of looking so sharp in new clothes purchased for the occasion. He was seemingly as unaware of how hard the depression had been on other people other than in the stories that he had seen in movies or read about in books. LIstening to him made me realize that there were differing gradations of want during Great Depression and some were even more dire than my father’s situation. 

I suppose that it is normal for each of us to react to the state of the world based on our individual experiences. I evolved from a very spoiled early childhood with my father to a more circumspect and frugal life with my single mother after his death. When I married my early years as a wife and mother were sometimes economically tough but I had learned from my mother how to use whatever income I had with inventiveness. Eventually both my husband and I were working and we entered the world of middle class luxury that has always felt more than adequate to me. 

I have been able to provide my children and grandchildren with experiences more in keeping with my father-in-law’s description of his childhood and adolescence. Nonetheless I carry a silent anxiety and need to be always prepared for sudden changes in my economic situation. I feel enormous empathy for those who struggle to survive even in the midst of the plenty of our society. I remember grocery shopping with my mother and watching her carefully considering the cost of every purchase down the the penny. I recall understanding that the food in the pantry and refrigerator had an intended purpose for feeding me and my brothers and so I never felt free to take whatever I wanted without first consulting with my mother. She was the distributor of nourishment and only she could determine if we had enough for snacks beyond the three meals of the day. 

Those days are gone for me. I am able to purchase both food and extras for myself and and husband and father-in-law. We eat well and perhaps a bit too much. We go out to restaurants more often than I did in the totality of my time with a single mother. We grinch about the rising cost of foods that we enjoy and then put them grudgingly into our grocery cart anyway. We buy things that I never saw in my youth after my father died like desserts and soda and salty snacks, Sometimes I actually feel guilty purchasing such items knowing that people are going hungry all over the world. 

I suppose that at any given moment in history there have been ranges of those who have enjoyed plenty and those who have suffered from want of basic needs. I try to remember my family stories and understand the serendipity of my good fortune with gratitude and a willingness to share a portion of what I have.

It would be easy to believe that I fully deserve my riches because of my hard work. While I have indeed labored each day, I have also enjoyed good health, a sharp mind, opportunities to grow and prosper. It would be a mistake to believe that everyone has equal access to the good life. Being born in the wrong place at the wrong time can make all the difference. Hopefully such souls will encounter a kindly woman of little means like my grandmother who will smile and give them a warm drink and a bit of food without judging them during their time of need. Blessed are those who offer hope for one day it may be you or I at someone’s back door begging for a bit of food. If we are lucky someone will be there to help us.  

When my brother, Mike, was a little baby he often became ill. I was not more than four years old but I still have a memory of my mother rocking him while he made a funny sound when he breathed. I would later find out that he suffered from asthma when I asked why our family doctor came so often to our home. Luckily he seemed to outgrow his childhood affliction or at least know how to control it. He became an avid outdoorsman hiking and running for miles. More than anything he loved to travel, often sleeping in a tent or later in his RV with his family as he journeyed across the world. 

Of late Mike and his wife have both been plagued by illnesses and accidents that have left them unable to get too far from home, at least for now. Their once active lives have slowed down. Their adventures mostly involve visits to doctors and exercise programs designed to help them return to a better state of health. What amazes me the most is how optimistically philosophical my dear brother is about his current situation. Instead of holding a pity party for himself he is creating ways to enjoy the slower pace of his life. He finds contentment in sleeping late, reading his many books, revelling in the quiet and undemanding environment that has defined his world for many months now. 

I admire my brother’s chill attitude because I struggle when I have to curtail my active life for any reason. Of late there seem to be a whole passel of things holding me back and I am admittedly not happy about it all. Since my vacation last August I’ve been plagued with one issue after another that has kept me mostly inside the four walls of my home. Admittedly I have a much more  difficult time finding comfort in may fate than my brother, and I actually wish that I might find it easier to adjust my attitude to fit the moment. 

I suppose my decent into a kind of self pity began when my husband’s theoretically easy heart procedure went south and led to some very dire and frightening moments. Of course he was soon declared safe but the past year has seen us making the rounds of one doctor after another in an effort to make certain that he will stay well. 

In the meantime I have had my own battles, minor as they actually are. I injured my leg and my foot at Christmas time and then suddenly developed high blood pressure. At least two months went by before my doctors found the secret formula of medications to return me to a nice even pressure for my heart. Then a regular mammogram turned into a scare that led to a biopsy that also turned out okay. Just when I thought that my little trials were over I developed incredibly painful spasms in my back that took me to the emergency room twice. Happily all ended well and I was looking forward to a small vacation, but that too fell apart when my father-in-law developed an impaction and had to be rushed to the hospital. 

When my father-in-law finally came home he was weak and relegated to a special diet. More importantly it became apparent to me and my husband that leaving him alone while we traveled was out of the question for now, and maybe for a very long time. Of course I secretly sulked, only revealing my true feelings to a dear friend and one of my daughters. Later I felt awful for being so selfish, especially when I hear my brother rhapsodizing about the loveliness of being homebound. 

I have been to so many wonderful places and had more than one “trip of a lifetime.” I should not be so cranky about having to stay home for a time. In truth it has not been so bad. It’s just that I seem to take after my father who always had a kind of Wanderlust. He’d get a faraway look in his eyes and we new that a vacation or even a long distance move was in the offing. He was determined to see all of the United States and most of the world. By the age of thirty who was well on his way to achieving that goal. I suppose that it was somehow fitting that he would die in his car returning home from a trip to the ocean. 

My brother is like my mother who found contentment in whatever state life presented to her. She got as much of a kick out of a trip to the store for ice cream as traveling to far away places. She had a knack for finding happiness that appears to have been passed down to my brother, but not so much to me. I’m always antsy, always dreaming about the next trip, but at the same time I am attempting to change my ways. I know that this moment and this life is temporary and I would do well to find joy in even the small moments of each day. I have to remind myself that my leg and foot have healed, my blood pressure is normal again, my back is not causing me pain, I did not have breast cancer, my husband’s heart is working, my father-in-law received the treatments he needed. How can I not be ecstatic over that? Why would I wallow in a pity party over being tied to my home for an indefinite amount of time.

I reveal these things because I suspect that many people that I know and even more that I do not know are struggling with seemingly insurmountable issues. I want them to know that I understand their fears and their moments of grief or loneliness or concern that life will never again be quite the same. Then I would tell them to be like my brother and attempt to find one thing each day that feels beautiful and wonderful. It may be so small that it is difficult to even notice, but in discovering it they will be able to move forward one more day. 

Some people are so good at being like my brother. I congratulate them for their positive spirits. I’m doing my best to become more like them. I can ignore that siren that is calling me to the mountains and just close my eyes to visualize what I have already seen. The memories of my trips are so crystal clear that I can remember every vivid minute. For now that should be all I need to calm the itch.  

Los Angeles is the second largest city in the United States with close to four million people. Way back in the early part of the twentieth century it was little more than a small town with a water problem, but enterprising real estate salesmen and creative engineers found ways to divert water from other parts of California to LA. Thus began one of the most unlikely stories of development in all of the United States. What should have been viewed more as a kind of desert town became a mecca for people dreaming of a better life in a sunny environment. Sadly the continued growth and the droughts in other parts of the state and the country now threaten to one day leave the boom town without enough water to quench the thirst of its many people. 

Such are similar stories all over the world where years of drought have left large swaths of population in danger of dry wells, fires and little of the wet stuff that all people need to survive. Phoenix, Arizona and its surrounding areas are another such place. During the westward movement of the population of the United States people mostly drove their wagons past the seemingly dry land of Arizona searching instead for greener pastures. More recently Arizona has seen rapid growth in population with residential and business areas cropping up like weeds at the same time that water has become more and more scarce. Already there are abandoned neighborhoods sitting on parched land looking like scenes from a dystopian science fiction movie. In truth, we are stressing our rivers and wells and aquifers expecting to have more water for our needs than nature is able to produce. It is an increasingly anxious battle to keep faucets running even as we seem to ignore the signs that we have to be more conscious of conserving our resources of water. 

Water has had a metaphorical and mystical effect throughout the history of humankind. The development of civilizations depended on water. Cities were built around rivers and lakes. People saw water as a source of life itself, a cleansing, cooling, nourishing necessity. We baptize people with water. We have holy water to remind us of God. The Bible tells us of Jesus walking on water and the apostles being fishers of men. When a disaster or pandemic threatens us we rush out to purchase water lest our faucets won’t operate. The importance of water is inestimable and yet we generally take it for granted until it is tainted or no longer available. We don’t spend nearly enough time talking about how our own actions create many of the problems that we face with the scarcity of water. We grumble and complain if someone suggests ways to use less water instead of volunteering to do our parts.

Who wants the lawn to grow in “No Mow May” knowing that our neighbors may complain or the HOA may fine us for letting the grass become overgrown and unsightly? Most of us see a rock filled lawn as being stark and ugly even as we watch the water from our sprinklers intended for our lawns running down the driveway into the gutter. We fill our pools and take long showers. We fill our sinks with water that we barely use. We believe that rain will surely come, especially in places like the one where I live that are more likely to see floods than drought. Why should we worry about later when everything is working well now? We argue that even if all of the discussion of Climate Change and Global Warming is true, isn’t it supposed to happen in 2050? Why should we stress over it now?

I’m one of those souls who is a planner. It’s in my nature. I want to have not just a Plan A but others that stretch all the way to Plan Z. I hope that I will never have to use all of the ways to get past the scenarios that I imagine, but I don’t want to get caught without a strategy for surviving even the most horrific situation. So I have bug out bags and stores of food supplies. My tendency to overthink the possibilities stood me in good stead when people were scrambling for necessities in the early days of Covid. I was ready with masks and medical supplies and non perishable foods. The one area that I have still not considered enough is how to deal with the changing nature of climate. I struggle with being fully prepared for a natural disaster, a catastrophe of epic proportions. 

We can all do things before the worst happens but the clock is ticking and time is running out. Already this summer over a thousand people died in the extreme heat at Mecca during the annual pilgrimage of Muslims from all over the world. We now need to take into account heat when planning outside events but we can also take measures to insure that the earth slows its heating. That means moving away from fossil fuels, switching to electric cars, creating electricity with alternate sources like solar panels or nuclear power. We should be awarding innovative scientists and engineers who create systems that allow us to enjoy life without destroying our planet. We need to treasure our earth and all learn what it needs to heal and grow strong again. 

If we ignore our responsibility in literally changing the ecosystems of the earth then the future will surely be incredibly difficult for future generations. It should always be our goal to leave a better place for them than the one that we found. We must never be so cavalier that we do not care about every person on the planet both now and in the future. We must treasure our water and treat it like the precious commodity it is by using it as sparingly as possible. We can do this but only if we all cooperate in a spirit of unity and concern for one another. We must always remember that water is life!

It can sometimes seem as thought the whole world has become a horrible place to be. Mostly that is because the media specializes in featuring stories that rile up our emotions. We hear about the bad things that are happening rather than the everyday good moments that make life so wonderful. We can be overwhelmed with the bad news. The best aspects of life are all around us in small moments that bring smiles to our faces. We don’t have to look very far to find them, but we do have to turn off the constant barrage of negativity to notice them. 

Have you ever encountered a harried clerk in a store who seems so grumpy that you want to file a complaint against her or him? Before doing that stop to consider what might be causing that person to be so irritated. Instead of reacting to the negativity become a positive moment for them. Tell them how much you appreciate them or mention that it must be difficult dealing with crowds and ungrateful customers who don’t seem to understand how overwhelming the job of serving them can sometimes be. It’s amazing how a bit of understanding and a small compliment will change a person’s attitude almost instantly. Suddenly the two of you are laughing and smiling and wishing each other a good day. It feels good to bring cheer to someone who might otherwise spend the entire day being surly.

It may be just me, but I like nothing better than changing the linens on my bed and then diving into the fresh sheets at the end of the day. It is a feeling of absolute luxury that always leads to counting my blessings followed by a night of uninterrupted sleep. If I really want to make the scene perfection I don my prettiest and most comfortable pair of pajamas and sip on ginger tea before I settle in for my slumbers. It reminds me of my childhood when my mother tucked me in each night and told me how much she loved me. There is something so simple and yet so special about a nice clean and warm bed that brings a sense of safety and well being. 

As a teacher of low income students I often learned of a child who had no bed in which to slumber. It stunned me to hear of one of my pupils sleeping on a sofa each night or spending the night in the backseat of a car. I began to appreciate the seemingly small luxury of having my own bed with clean linens far more than I might once have done. 

I’ve also laughed with glee whenever I found money that I have forgotten I had. Maybe it was a few dollars tucked in the bottom of a purse that I had not used in awhile or a few coins under cushion of my favorite chair. It always feels like finding treasure regardless of how much is there. It’s like seeing a dime shining on the street. Bending down and putting it in my pocket seems like good luck, a little bit of positive adventure on an otherwise ordinary day. 

Even better is when I find something that I had thought was missing forever. Such it was with a lipstick that I purchased in Harrods in London. I wanted to be able to say that I had indeed bought something there but most of what I saw was ridiculously expensive. Suddenly I had the idea of purchasing an item from the cosmetic department. That is when I found a lovely shade of lipstick in a pretty tube that made my smile seem even brighter than usual. I carried it all the way back to my home across the pond only to later realize that I had somehow misplaced it. Years literally passed and I assumed that I had lost the lipstick somewhere in my routines. A few weeks ago I was tidying up my purses and noticed a lump in one of them. Digging deeply into the bottom I found the lipstick and celebrated as though I had discovered gold. Finding it brought back memories of that wonderful trip and the joys of sharing it with my brothers and their wives. Now I get a jolt of joy each time I run the color across my lips. 

As a child I often sat next to my father watching comedy shows on television. I remember him laughing so hard that his belly jiggled and his eyes twinkled. Since that moment I have loved the feeling of glee that comes from a good joke, a great story, or just the emotional high of being with friends. Laughter really is the best possible medicine for ailments of the mind and sometimes we just don’t get enough of it. Laughing clears my head of worrisome thoughts and soothes the aches and pains that I might be feeling. There are some people who have a gift for making me laugh and I love being around them. We can’t always be serious and dreary. Sometimes even in the most dire situation a good laugh breaks the tension and makes the moment a bit more bearable. 

Having time all to myself with no imminent responsibilities is another happiness maker that I often take the time to enjoy. Walking on a quiet path or just sitting in my upstairs room quietly watching the parade of people living life in my neighborhood brings a kind of contentment that invigorates me. I relish being outside tending my plants when nobody else is around. I love the sounds of the birds and the feeling of the sun kissing my face. I like to crumbling the dirt in my hands and enjoy the glorious colors of the flowers and the sky. It is a panacea that can’t be bought or sold and as simple as it seems it heals every hurt that I might be feeling.

Make a list of the small things that make you happy. Take the time to enjoy those moments when life feels overwhelming. It’s always the little bits of life that bring the most joy. Read a book, have a cup of coffee, call a friend, hug a neighbor. Reach out and find whatever makes you feel good.