Category: Commentary

I teach a very bright young lady who recently participated in her first debate competition. She was describing how difficult it was to argue both for and against her topic which happened to be capital punishment. She noted how interesting it was to be forced by the rules of debate to be compelled to develop persuasive arguments for opposing sides. It made her realize that there is generally no one definitive way of dealing with the problems we face. Such would be true of virtually any societal challenge that we humans face, and yet we have a tendency to divide ourselves into groups that cling to unbending allegiance to simplistic solutions for almost everything. 

Crime is a huge topic these days. Most of the time we don’t really analyze the landscape of criminal activity to honestly determine who is committing illegal activities, where those things are taking place and what issues in the environment might be leading to an uptick in criminal enterprises. In other words, we just react and then argue over whether we need to harden our stance on punishments or make better attempts to better understand what is creating the behaviors that lead to misdeeds. The art of debate tells us that maybe there is actually a hybrid of ideas that will work more effectively than siding with one philosophy over another. 

Such is true of virtually any problem that we might want to solve, but in our hardheadedness we all too often want a quick fix that aligns with our personal feelings rather than with the facts. It takes time, effort and often money to understand what is actually happening when things appear to be going awry. The best solutions to challenges come from diverse teams of people who are willing to genuinely work together rather than pushing their ideas without compromise. Any group that is unable to get past their differences will generally fail. 

In both work and social situations I have learned over and over again how powerful it can be to combine the best of diverse beliefs. Even something as seemingly simple as planning a trip with friends or family can become either a joy or a nightmare depending on how well the people involved consider alternative thinking. Often the amalgam of ideas creates the best final product, but such a process requires everyone to be able to be able to speak and discuss freely and with respect. 

My school was once faced with low student scores on standardized tests. We knew that we had to change something or expect the same disappointing outcomes over and over again. We spent many days, countless hours, analyzing and categorizing the testing data from every student as well as every teacher. We learned exactly where the problem areas were. Then we went back through data from previous years to determine when the difficulties seemed to begin. Our process was tedious, but incredibly rewarding. We adjusted our teaching to work on our exact needs. We shared best practices and supported each other. There was no competition. We were a team and our efforts yielded incredible results. Soon we were even coaching other schools in the methods for improving teacher and student learning. 

Unrelenting divisions between people kills systems. Anyone who has ever played in a group sport understands the power of teamwork. A squad of competing individuals does not win. Movies and real life demonstrate this important reality over and over again. Ted Lasso did not know much about soccer, but he had the heart of a great coach. He brought his team together in a kind of brotherhood first, then worked on winning games. When Ford Motor Company created a team spirit instead of isolating each process of building cars, they suddenly began producing better quality vehicles.

Our governmental systems would do well to set aside political differences and come together to work as a team intent on actually solving problems rather than constantly running for office and plotting to be powerful. Too much time is wasted on ideological arguments rather than honest attempts to consider the best processes for meeting our very real challenges. Right now our lawmakers at every level have made a game of competing for the limelight and pushing their views on everyone else. They are more about preventing solutions than finding them. To a very large extent most of our governing bodies are now broken because the elections and allegiances to limited bases of people are more important than actually doing something significant for all of the people. Even our courts are more likely to be staffed with like minded political judges than with fair, just, and impartial mediators. 

So often my young students appear to understand what must be done in the world more clearly than the adults. They have an eager willingness to consider new ideas. They enjoy learning about issues that have been unknown to them. They delight in the belief that every notion has both pros and cons. They are open minded and excited about working together. Somehow far too many of  the grownups have lost that capacity to appreciate diversity in thinking. They quibble and quarrel and get nothing done. It’s a sad state of affairs, and yet here we are.

I must have been about fourteen years old when my physical science teacher announced that he would be setting up his telescope on the school football field one evening. He invited all of us who were in his class to drop by to take a look at the night sky. Since I literally lived just down the street from the school, I eagerly accepted his invitation along with my mother and brothers who were equally excited by the opportunity to view the heavens. 

It was a clear night with hundreds of stars sparkling in the sky. Back then Houston was still a relatively small city and out in the suburbs where we were there were not that many lights, so the stars shone more brightly than they now do. There was a bit of a chill in the air that somehow made the event even more exciting.

A small crowd had already assembled around the telescope that the teacher had adjusted for maximum viewing. We took turns looking at the craters in the moon and different stars, but it was when our host aimed the lens at Saturn that I experienced a breathless moment. I squinted into the eye piece and suddenly there was the most extraordinary sight I had ever seen. Saturn with its r rings was as clear as if it had landed on the field where we all stood. I screamed with delight at the wondrous vision. 

I’ve spent many a night camping under starry skies and each time I look toward the upward I remember that moment in my youth when I saw the planet that before had only been described with words or drawings. Until that moment Saturn was only a celestial concept in my mind. Seeing that it was real was life changing. 

I have a fascination with space that has only grown as we humans have traveled to the moon and sent expeditions to Mars. Thinking about my place in the universe humbles me. I am little more than a tiny speck, but I am important in the grand scheme of things just as every creature and living thing is. It is mind boggling how life bursts forth only in places with the a precise balance of elements. There is something quite spiritual about the idea of the evolution of the heavens and our own planet Earth over time . 

Our human curiosity and inventiveness has allowed us to learn more and more about where we live and faraway orbs of light. Perhaps our ancestors felt the pull of the sky just as I did on that night of long ago. Perhaps it is a natural human yearning to understand the place where we live, the tiny universe inside our bodies, the inner workings of our minds, and how the vast expanse beyond our atmosphere affects us. I often wonder what worlds are out there waiting for us to discover.

I am bound to the earth by gravity and age. It is unlikely that I will ever explore the heavens the way I fly from one place to another. It is only in my imagination and with the images from explorers that I know so much more than I did on that chilly night when Saturn became so real to me. I felt the kind of adventurous exhileration that has pushed humans to explore since the beginning of time. I became addicted to learning more and more. 

The skies where I live are filled with millions of artificial lights these days. There is a haze that hides the brilliance of the stars. It is as though they are purposely hiding from view, angry that we have blotted them out of sight. Sometimes I forget what it once looked like to gaze at the night time sky. Then I find myself camping in far west Texas where people are few and stars are many. I look upward and feel a rush of excitement. The stars crowd the sky with their light. It is a glorious and magnificent sight. I am reminded that those orbs are always there, but we humans have all too often hidden them with our artificial illumination, forgotten that they are a constant in a universe that we do not always treat well.

The balance of life depends on maintaining our delicate atmosphere and protecting the air and water that all living things need to survive. We have learned much about our planet and those beyond. We have an understanding of how things work. We know that we are but specks in the vastness of the heavens and yet we act as though we do not need to treasure the unique gifts that we have. In our pride we ignore those who have devoted their focus and their work to understanding the delicate equilibrium of life on the earth. We foolishly feud among ourselves pretending that only one place or one group of people really matter. We waste our resources and trash the earth piling up momentary riches that will become meaningless when we are gone. Perhaps it is time for us to better cherish this place that we call earth and all of the people who inhabit it. We will have to work together to keep it as magnificent as it was meant to be. 

I can still see Saturn so vividly in my mind. I remember the craters of the moon. I think of my science teacher who attempted to show me the importance of understanding how things work and the need for continuing to learn and seek answers. I know I must heed the warnings that modern day explorers of the heavens have sounded. They look down from space to see changes that place our planet in danger. We need to hear what they have to say and believe them. We are but small parts of a grand scheme. We must always be certain that our hubris does not destroy the heavenly balance that was meant to be. That perfect night under the stars taught me to honor my place in the universe.  

Now and again a perfect day comes along. It may not be out of the ordinary, and yet it is remarkable and leaves you smiling each time you remember it. I had such a day a few Saturdays ago. It was almost spiritual in both its simplicity and grandeur. 

I rode to Austin, Texas with my eldest daughter. Earlier there had been raging thunderstorms, but somehow the sky cleared and the roads dried just in time for our departure from Houston. We talked, really talked, the entire way. I realized that it had been a very long time since we had been alone together for such an extended period and it was great just to be free to babble on and on about this and that and nothing. The drive seemed to go by in a flash before we drove into my grandson’s apartment complex where we would stay the night. 

We stowed away our bags and headed to a Mexican restaurant that has been a legend in Austin for over seventy years. It’s said that there was a time when the beloved University of Texas football coach, Darrell Royal, was a regular customer. The parking lot was packed with cars and the line just to reserve a table snaked out of the door. There was a lively joyfulness in the air that made me smile as I engaged in my favorite hobby of people watching. Somehow nobody appeared to be annoyed at the long wait. Instead we joked and introduced ourselves to pass the time until our table was ready and we enjoyed a delightful meal as while soaking in the jovial atmosphere. 

The following morning came the main event, another grandson’s final cross country race of the year. It was a chilly day and there was a strong breeze that sent our hair flying and made our faces red. It bode well as the first hint of fall. I knew that my grandson preferred running in cooler temperatures, so I suspected that he would do well, which he did. In fact he made the trek over a hilly course over three minutes faster than his previously best time. He was overjoyed and so were we. 

At a picnic later we basked in the sun and enjoyed a visit with my grandson’s coach who applauded him for his improvement while checking to see how he felt about his efforts. I liked her style and saw that she was genuinely concerned about each of her athletes and their development. Their wellbeing seemed more important to her than the fact that they had all done quite well in the race. it was nice to witness her methodologies and to know that my grandson was in good hands but all too soon it was time to go. We hugged my grandson and wished him well in the rest of his semester as he promised to be home for Thanksgiving. 

On the way back to Houston we stopped along the banks of the Brazos River, among a grove of trees near a spot where a famous heart surgeon had once spent weekends away from the stresses of saving lives. The sky had become a bit overcast and it should have made me feel dreary, but instead I felt a kind of spiritual calm. I thought about all of the people who might have passed along the banks of this old river and it somehow reminded me of the mix of all of the emotions that they might have experienced on their own journeys. The quiet was healing to my heart that too often worries more than it should. Little wonder that the good doctor who saved so many lives enjoyed stopping here for respite whenever he was able. 

Suddenly my daughter suggested that we end our little trip with dinner at Cracker Barrel, my mother’s favorite place to eat. Somehow we both thought of her. She was after all represented in half of the name I had given my little girl so long before. As we sat munching on the country inspired food much like my grandmother used to make, We spoke of the Fridays when my mother would delight in the place like a child at an amusement park. 

In honor of my mama we shopped for Christmas gifts in the already brightly decorated front of the store. We found gifts for friends and neighbors and joked about how my mother always insisted that we choose some candy to take home whenever we came here. I thought of the retirement gift my mama had left for me when she died only the day after I had turned in my keys for my last full time job. She had left a package that contained trinkets from Cracker Barrel that sent lovely messages to me about how much she loved me. 

I still treasure the memories of time with my mother just as I felt the same kind of joy just being alone with my daughter, doing a little bit of nothing other than being together without having to busy ourselves with other concerns. It was therapy in a homespun kind of way, nothing to boast about, but more meaningful and memorable than a grand caravan to exotic places. Sometimes the best times are the ones that are the most ordinary. As I think on our little trip I realize how truly extraordinary it was.   

One of my favorite scenes in a movie occurred in the film Julie and Julia. The gist of the film is that a young woman decides to cook every recipe from Julia Child’s Art of French Cooking book. At one point she realizes that she may have taken on a challenge that is more daunting that she expected. Her frustration level rises to a point where she ends up thrashing and screaming on the floor of her kitchen while her husband patiently looks on without reacting. It seems that he knows her well enough to realized that her hissy fit is momentary and soon enough she will return to being a warrior. 

I love this part of the movie because it totally reminds me of myself when I hit a brick wall. I find a safe place in the privacy of my home and let my frustrations range freely. I might look like a lunatic for a brief time, but once I have let the poisons out of my mind I become invincible just as Julie did in the film. Through the many challenges of my lifetime I have initially emoted like a madwoman, but I always return to a rational state and determine what I must do to stay the course of my life. 

I suppose it would be better if I never lost my cool, but I don’t seem to be wired like that. My main go to spot has always been an empty room far away from other humans. Now and again I am so emotional that I let loose in front of my husband, but my crazed feelings rarely go beyond those parameters. Thus most people see me as a totally calm cool and collected individual. In the few instances that I have let down my facade, things have not gone well. 

The movie scene reminded me that anger and frustration are as much a part of our human experience as kindness and rationality. Balancing the two can be tricky depending on the situation. Allowing the indignation to come to the surface often has the power of motivating, especially when someone insinuates or states their lack of confidence in someone. 

Michael Jordan loved to tell about the time when he was not chosen for his school basketball team. He channeled his disappointment into practicing until his skills became engrained in his muscle memory. Stephen King was rejected so many times that he threw a manuscript in the trash. That piece of writing became his first published book, Carrie, and jump started his amazing career. History is replete with tales of frenzied failure followed by undaunted determination that eventually led to success.

When my mother first became ill with bipolar disorder I was a shy twenty year old lacking the confidence to even try for a driver’s license. After a total meltdown of tears and rage I knew that I had to pull myself together for her. I would transform into an adult almost overnight. I spent the next forty years of my life caring for her whenever she became ill. I found a strength inside me that I never knew was there. I think that I had to endure my fit of despair before I was able to determine a plan for believing in myself and helping her. 

Such has been the pattern of my life. I felt so lost when my father died. I held a pity party for myself and then remembered the things he had taught me. I set aside my childish feelings and worked hard to be the person he had challenged me to be. Later when my high school principal informed me that he did not belief that I would make it in accelerated classes, I went into a slow burn. I stewed only briefly because I knew that I would have to work hard to prove myself and I did. I felt that I had honored my father who always told me never to settle for being less than I had the power to be. 

There have certainly been times when I wondered if I had finally met my match. Some of my experiences have been so painful that I have sobbed in unrelenting despair. For some reason I never stay that way for long. I consider ways to deal with my problems and always pop back up from the dangers that seemed to be drowning me. I find strength over and over again. Just as I believe that most people do.

I would like to believe that I will continue to overcome disappointments and life changing events meant to tear me down. So far my routine of admitting to my own frailties in an emotional outburst, followed by creating a feasible plan has always worked for me. I wonder if one day the provocation I face will be too much. I have witnessed situations that seem unbearable to me like losing a child to murder or enduring war. Still I think that somehow I will find that steely side of myself even in dealing with such horrors. It just may take me longer to reach a point of moving forward. 

None of us should have to always be brave and perfectly behaved. We will each find ourselves in horrible situations that bring a well of sorrowful and angry feelings to the surface. We would do well to find a safe space for letting them out so that we will not hurt anyone in the process of owning those feelings. Then we will hopefully be able to reach back inside to find our invincible selves. One thing we humans have in common is that we don’t like being told that something is impossible.

I’ve always enjoyed programming that features a makeover of some sort. I remember Oprah Winfrey bringing people onto her program who looked especially bedraggled and downtrodden. She’d send them away with experts in hair, makeup and styling then bring them back for a big reveal. They would return to the stage literally looking like different people. I was always amazed by what a good haircut and a bit of highlighting did for one’s appearance. Having clothing that was tailored was rather amazing as well. I often found myself wondering how I would look if the folks who performed such miracles took a crack at me.

I also love shows like This Old House where someone spends more money that I will ever see renovating a downtrodden property. I am always in awe of the architects and builders who bring a neglected home back to glory, but I also realize the expense of doing such things. I often wonder what it is like to have so much income or savings that people don’t have to scrimp on their projects. I also marvel at the outcomes and wonder if the homes are really as lovely as they appear on the screen. 

I suppose that I have reached a point in life of mostly satisfaction with my own appearance and that of my home. I have come to like myself just as I am, and as long as my house is in good working order I am comfortable with it just as it is as well. I believe in a regimen of checkups and repairs for both my body and my household. As the years pass by I find that my desires for a major do over have mostly faded. Somehow spending time and money recreating my looks or those of the rooms in my residence seems to be a waste of resources that might better be used elsewhere. 

I find contentment in liking myself and my home. If I were to make any changes in either of those things it would be to scale back. I find myself moving more and more to a life of greater simplicity. I rarely wear makeup anymore and I clothe myself in mostly jeans and t-shirts. I have way more room and more belongings than I really need. I more often think of sharing than acquiring. I suppose that my change might be attributed to growing comfortably into my own skin. 

It certainly took me long enough to reach a point of satisfaction. I admittedly wanted to please everyone and that often meant putting on a show in my own appearance and the presentation of my home. I suppose that the strange interlude of the Covid pandemic showed me what was really important in life. Somehow all of that time reflecting and seemingly observing from inside a fishbowl helped me to sort out who I really am and how I want to relate to the world. I learned whom I might count on to stand by me, and who would quickly drop me for no real reason. I found out what really made me happy and what mattered very little. I had time to get in touch with my feelings and to better understand those of others. I discovered a new and deeper gratitude for my own good fortune. 

I suppose that it might be argued that I actually had a makeover that was invisible to everyone but me. I walked into the past three years as one person and emerged miraculously different. In a kind of reverse of the usual do over I stripped away the facade that had been hiding the person that I had always wanted to be. It was as though I was born again with more confidence in and appreciation for for my life. The joy of such a realization has been immeasurable. 

I marvel at my good fortune and celebrate each breath that I am able to take. Just thinking about the simple glories of life makes me smile. Nonetheless, I consider what I might do to help those around me and those far away. I want to help them to experience the feeling of contentment and security that I have. I’ve spent more time understanding and speaking up for the souls who are suffering even as I am more satisfied with my own lot in life than I have ever before been. My self criticism and timidity are gone, shorn and reshaped as surely as a new haircut might improve my appearance. 

The old house that resides in my mind has been shored up and restored to glory, maybe even made better than ever before. I’d like to think that the new me is kinder, gentler and stronger than because I have miles to go and much to do before I settle into a long rest. Without having to worry about all that is superfluous my new path is clear. I’m ready to turn my attention to making every breath I take purposeful. 

I will still watch makeovers because they fascinate me, but the envy that once colored my opinion of such things is gone. I have what I need. I don’t require more. I am now freer than ever before.