Category: Commentary

According to the Chinese calendar the new year will begin on January 22, and it will be the year of the rabbit. For those who believe in such things 2023 should bring twelve months of peace and hope. How wonderful would it be if we might all just sit back and enjoy the fruits of positive horoscopes or ancient signs! Sadly such superstitions are just another attempt by humans to explain the complexities of the world. We can’t rely on such predictions to determine how this year will affect us. Instead we all know that life is a complex mix of events over which we have little control. How we choose to face the ups and downs that are an inevitable aspect of our journeys from one moment to the next. is the key to what life feels like to each of us. While there is uncertainty from day to day in any year, we can prepare ourselves to meet the challenges that most surely will come. Reading tea leaves or visiting a fortune teller might be fun, but in the end our choices and actions will determine how well we will adapt the the world as is actually is. 

Over the decades I have learned that every aspect of daily life described in a typical horoscope or superstitious prediction can be made more positive by individual determination and will. The happiest people that I know work at being so. A positive outlook on life comes from within. It is often a choice to find joy even on the most horrific of days. It does not require exciting trips or conspicuous consumption. It is instead a quiet and unassuming determination to find contentment in the smallest of things. 

Truly satisfied people spread kindness wherever they go. They focus on others rather than themselves. They meet hardships with an understanding that each of us will face challenges and some of those difficulties will feel almost unbearable. They take small steps each day to find tiny moments that keep them optimistic. They deal with pain and sorrow by allowing themselves to grieve without becoming cynical. They accept that bad things happen to good people and that they are not immune to the vagaries of living. They trust in God, their friends, their families and themselves to push through the darkest moments. They see more good in the world than evil. 

Successful people work hard to be so. Of course some people are born in the right country to the right parents so that they will always have wealth. Most of us have to work for such things. It takes time, effort, energy to achieve a level of comfort and satisfaction in one’s work. Those who rise to the top never quit learning. They are willing to enroll in continuing education courses, spend time training for new skills, work to achieve advanced degrees. They accept challenging tasks, are willing to put in extra hours when needed, become known for their dedication. While most of us are spending our free time watching television or escaping from reality with gaming, they are like the tortoise. They slowly but surely make themselves more skilled, more valuable in the workplace rather than complaining that they are not earning enough or being appreciated as they should be. 

The same is true with relationships. The people who appear to have the best friendships take the time to communicate their feelings to those that they love. It only takes a few minutes to let people know that you are thinking of them and that you understand their needs. The most beloved among us are like angels on earth constantly spreading comfort and understanding.

I am lucky to know some incredible people who have carved out amazing lives for themselves by doing the type of things that I have just described. They seem to call with encouraging words at the exact moment when a friend or family member needs them. They are constantly watching for signs that someone is in need. They quietly make a three minute phone call to remind people that they are loved. They meet suffering with calm. They work hard to support whatever cause is important to them. They go an extra mile when others have already left the race. 

Their names and faces flash before me. They inspire me to be better, to try harder not to devolve into pessimism. They show me that feeling sorrow for myself is a waste of my energy. they help me understand that true miracles come from the soul of a determined individual, not from a crystal ball or a winning lottery ticket. 

I watched my mother being bombarded with hard times for most of her life. It was as though she could not catch a lucky break and yet she was one of the happiest people I have ever known. Just enjoying an ice cream cone was an exciting experience for her. So too was my Grandpa Little who lived to be one hundred eight years old. He lived in a rented room and was essentially destitute when he died, and yet the richness of his life was profound. He was indeed the wisest person I have encountered. My friend Pat Weimer’s door was always open. She’d make some coffee, set out a plate of emergency cookies and listen intently to anyone who needed to be heard. She was an amazing friend. Zerin Sahai may live in India but she has an uncanny talent of knowing exactly when I am in need of a call to comfort me. So too does my friend, Carol, who is the glue holding together our very diverse group of friends. Scott Scheffler earned at advanced degree in oil and gas law while in his fifties. He has worked tirelessly since he was a teen and success has followed his efforts. 

Knowing how to live well runs in families. Scott’s mother, Linda, is known far and wide for her generous and loving spirit. Zerin’s daughter, Ruchika, delights us with her upbeat spirit. Pat’s daughter, Lisa, has followed her mother’s lead by being a true friend to all who know her. None of these people found the secrets to living well from predictions. All of them put positive effort into each day. Perhaps in the year of hope and peace according the the rabbit, we might all make the world a better place by following the example of the people around us who seemingly have found the keys to happiness, success, strong relationships. Learn from them and I suspect that 2023 will indeed be one of peace and hope. 

I think that perhaps we are all still a bit reluctant to celebrate a new year after the events of the past three years. I know that I am a bit hesitant to believe that I can plan without disruptions and losses. So much has happened since we all spent the New Year’s Eve of 2019 so unaware of what the world would soon face. Nothing in my rather long lifetime might have prepared me for the events that ensued, not even my fascination with books talking about the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918. I had listened to warnings from public health experts that we were bound to face another worldwide medical emergency, but I tended to believe that even if it happened it would not affect me. How wrong I was!

As I write this blog I look across the street where I partied at the end of 2019. The theme of the gathering was” life through the decades.” We danced to music from the forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties of the twentieth century. As midnight approached we switched to current music while laughing and enjoying our good fortune. 

In the new year I remember preparing split pea soup for luck and tossing in a side of black-eyed peas for good measure. I had plans to travel to Scotland in the spring. I had signed up for a continuing education course at Rice University. Life was full and wonderful even in February when I spent an entire day laughing and playing games with my brothers and their wives. We had a ball talking about all of our plans for the coming months, plans that would soon enough fall apart. 

A friend invited me and my husband to the Houston Rodeo Cook-off in early March. It was packed with people having a great time, not realizing that in only a week or so life as we had known it would change so drastically. I remember feeling just a tiny bit leery because I had read a small article about a strange disease beginning to show up in different parts of the world. I had asked my husband if we needed to prepare in case we got sick. I thought he would laugh at me but he too had heard about this virus from a man that he follows on YouTube. So, I purchased some extra cans of food and set aside a bit more toilet paper and some cold medications, then went out and had fun as usual. 

We all know that it did not take long for the rollercoaster ride to begin, along with the politicization of everything associated with how to respond. Not only did one million people die in the United States and millions more around the world, leaving children without parents and grandparents, wives without husbands, but friends and families began to argue over who was right and who was wrong. Doctors and nurses morphed from heroes to villains in many people’s minds. We lost friends over disagreements about masks and lockdowns. Many became depressed. Some turned to suicide for relief. We all wondered why we were unable to draw together rather than apart. New Year’s Eve 2020 ended with a whimper but still some hope.

The months of 2021 went by and we adapted according to our beliefs. My household became accustomed to avoiding large groups, mostly staying home, a situation that was perhaps somewhat easy for us because we are all introverts. The hard part was watching friends and family members suffer and even die. We went through one day after another hoping to see an end to the sorrow. That came in 2021 when the vaccines became available. Suddenly we saw a dim light at the end of a long tunnel and I cried tears of gratitude when I finally got my first jab. It felt glorious. 

Just when we all believed that the worst was behind us the aggressive Delta variant began to attack the world again. Those with updated vaccines mostly did better than the people who had refused to get vaccinated. There were more deaths and more divisions. A huge rift developed that became ever more ugly. Those who were vaccinated got together in small groups wearing masks. Others tempted nature by eschewing all precaution. My husband and I were careful. We had elderly relatives who needed our care. We had to stay healthy and not bring a virus into their homes. We had learned how to enjoy our restricted lives, but it seemed so very long since we had felt free to do whatever we wished to do. Then came another New Year’s Eve without parties or bells or whistles and 2021 came to a close. 

The dawn of 2022 brought a bit more optimism than we had felt in a very long time. Nonetheless it also heralded the end of life for many of our most beloved friends and family members. It seemed to be the year of the funeral or the horrific medical diagnosis. Even one of the neighbors who had been at the party of New Year’s Eve 2019 died. The husband of a dear friend who was fully vaccinated caught Covid and did not make it. My mother-in-law succumbed to heart failure at the same time that my father-in-law had emergency surgery and later contracted Covid at the hospital and almost died. One of the dearest and most incredible friends that I have ever had left this world far too quickly in 2022. Somehow all of the hope that I had felt drained from my heart. 

I know that I am not alone in my anxieties and lingering feelings of sorrow. It is a worldwide side-effect of the pandemic that has shaken people all over the world. We have dealt with unprecedented loss of life and health for three years and even though our ordeal appears to be over, we are somehow not yet willing to believe that the worst is past us. We are only very cautiously optimistic as 2022 comes to a close. Will 2023 become the year of celebration as we move beyond the horrors that have had an effect on all of us? 

We cannot answer that question with assurance, but what we have learned for certain is the value of each person in our lives. We know without doubt the importance of cherishing each moment of happiness that comes our way. We now understand how we must support one another and offer kindness with every opportunity that we get. We have made it for now. Let’s make every second of the new year count.   

I grew up in southeast Houston during the fifties and sixties. It was a quiet, family oriented suburban area back then that boasted post World War II homes as well as high end designer houses that were featured in architectural magazines. The area was the home of the first shopping center in the city and later the first air conditioned center filled with everything from dime stores to elegant department stores, bowling alleys to boutiques. It was a little slice of heaven for those of us who lived there. 

My family had been shopping for a new home in a part of town that was the mirror image of southeast Houston back then. My father and mother were leaning towards purchasing a new home in Braeswood on Bluebonnet Lane, but my father’s unexpected death put that house out of my mother’s new economic range. She instead moved us to a small but sturdy wooden house in a neighborhood called Overbrook nestled long Simms Bayou. 

It was a wonderful place for being a child. Our church and our school was within walking distance of our home. There was a neighborhood grocery store at the end of our street. Children were everywhere and it felt as though we knew everyone who lived there. It was a place that might have been featured in shows like Happy Days or Wonder Years. While there may have been darkness or sorrow hidden inside some of the homes, for us kids it felt like the safest happiest place on earth. Indeed most of the people there were good hardworking and loving souls. 

People stayed put back then, so the kids I knew in fourth grade were still attending classes with me when I was a senior in high school. We spent our growing up years riding our bicycles up and down the streets and across the bayou on a bridge that led to Garden Villas, a tree lined haven of older homes with huge yards and a beautiful park. A bookmobile came there often enough for me to have a constant supply of books to entertain my love of literature. Classes at the park introduced me to art and dance. 

On Saturdays we traveled a short distance to Telephone Road where the Santa Rosa movie theater hosted a Fun Club just for children. For twenty five cents we got admission and were able to purchase popcorn and candy. There were games and a double feature that kept us having a good time for hours while our mothers went shopping or just enjoyed some quiet time back home. Sometimes my brothers and I would meet our cousins there which made the event even more fabulous.

Just down the street from the theater there was a bakery called the Kolache Shop where my mother purchased our birthday cakes and some of the delightful Czechoslovakian pastries filled with apples or cherries. In travels all over Texas I have yet to find kolaches as delicious as the ones we purchased there and I recently heard that it is still open and run by the same family. I suspect I will have to return there soon.

As is often the case in Houston one day a particular area is in and the next day it’s out. When I was a child my cousins who lived in an old home in the Heights were envious of our new bustling neighborhood in southeast Houston. Today the place where I lived is old and mostly unwanted while the Heights has experienced a renaissance making it one of the most sought after areas of town. If I tell the untutored about growing up in southeast Houston they can’t even begin to imagine how vibrant and beautiful it once was. 

My city has grown by leaps and bounds, becoming the fourth largest metropolitan area in the United States. It is also the most diverse city in the nation with citizens who came from virtually every corner of the world. That neighborhood where my father had found a house on Bluebonnet Lane is prestigious while homes of the same kind in southeast Houston have little value. It is the nature of real estate to choose some locations over others. As the city stretched farther and farther out, my once thriving neighborhood was ignored and even forgotten. When I speak of it now, only those who lived in that part of town understand my rapturous descriptions of the once enchanting place. 

Those who were our parents are mostly gone now and the rest of us have traveled to the seven winds. A few like me live only minutes away from the old haunts in little towns like Pearland and Friendswood or out by the NASA Space Center in Clear Lake City. The rest are spread across Texas and the rest of the United States. We have moved on from our childhood homes, but we still retain the precious memories of growing up in a magical place. That part of Houston became part of our DNA. It molded us and made us strong. It was a very good place to be. 

We had an unusually cold Christmas weekend that was filled with sunny but frigid days. Most of us stayed warm in our heated homes decked out in holiday splendor. We celebrated the holiday with friends and family and so much joy. We exchanged gifts and sipped on eggnog while munching cookies and all kinds of goodies. There were gifts under the trees and abundance on our tables in spite of inflation and the recent difficult times that so many endured. Life was good for most of us, but I found myself thinking of people both far away and near who are suffering in this season while I enjoy the prosperity of good fortune. 

The hard freeze that brought out our coats and blankets reminded me of the souls that I often pass as they wander the streets untethered from homes and families. Many of them are ill both physically and mentally. They suffer from addictions that drove them from their families and their homes. They struggle to survive from one day to the next and most especially when the weather becomes frightful. They remind us that we do so little to help them with the mental maladies that leave them without direction. So often we simply look away, hoping to blunt the feelings that tell us they they deserve our compassion and help even as we struggle to know what to do for them. 

An ocean away the people of Ukraine are at war with a nation that invaded their land under the pretense of questionable claims. The souls there have fought valiantly to maintain their freedom and independence from an authoritarian super power. Much of their infrastructure is destroyed. Once quaint towns lie in ruins. Millions have no power, no heat, no safe homes. It would be easy to write off the war in Ukraine as none of our business, a situation that is sad but not worthy of our attention. Nonetheless the human suffering in that country deserves to be acknowledged and addressed. 

There is worry that the famine in Somalia will lead to starvation and death for many of the people. The grain that might normally feed the population is not as plentifully as it once was. The supply chain has been interrupted by the war in Ukraine and droughts in parts of the world that were once fertile and productive. The fate of the Somali people demonstrates the interdependence of the nations of the world. It points to our global relationships that require us all to understand that no place is an island that can afford to ignore the rest of the world.

The women of Afghanistan and Iran are being denied the human rights that those of us living in democracies often take for granted. We complain about our educational system while they are being forced to leave classrooms and languish in the isolation of their homes. Our daughters and female friends have the luxuries of learning and voicing opinions that are too often denied to our sisters around the globe. We women need to embrace and appreciate the opportunities that are so abundant for us and attempt to find ways to keep all women learning. 

Sometimes the troubles that surround and threaten our complacence can feel so overwhelming that we have a tendency to retreat inward rather than looking beyond our own comfort. We know that we cannot possibly solve every problem, save every person who is crying out for someone to help, but we can be more willing to begin meaningful dialogue in search of ways to lessen the suffering. Instead of seeing those in need as less than ourselves or somehow so broken that they should be judged and shunned perhaps we should attempt to consider that but for the grace of God we might find ourselves in their dire situations. 

The story of Jesus from the beginning of his life until his death points us to the conclusion that even the least among us deserve our compassion and understanding. We may be overwhelmed by the numbers who need our help, but if each of us made it a point to choose a cause and do something big or small to lessen the suffering we would no doubt change a life. 

Recently I heard an interview on NPR with a man who returned from service in the war in the Middle East with physical and mental wounds. He eased the pain that he was feeling with drugs and alcohol. His depression was so severe that he began to skip work and eventually lost his job. He fought with his family and literally ran away from them, first to live in a cheap apartment and eventually to find his home on the streets of Austin. He wandered aimlessly in a stupor and his health declined. 

A team of physicians, dentists and counselors formed an alliance to bring medical care to those living without shelter or direction. They found this man and diagnosed all of his needs. They provided medication and therapy for him. They found a room where he might sleep at night. When he became healthier they help him to find part time work. He is on the mend, clean and sober, spending more and more hours working and earning a living. The group found an apartment that he can afford. They visit him regularly to help him to maintain a positive direction. He is feeling better than he has in years and is hopeful of one day feeling normal again. 

As a new year dawns it would be wonderful if we would all resolve to help fight ignorance, hunger, disease and war wherever it exists on this earth. Find a cause and do something positive to help. When we all join in the battle against the plagues that destroy human souls everyone wins. Make 2023 the year of the helper, the time for persons who do something positive for the world.    

I love the quiet of a cold winter morning. For most of my life I had to rush around to be at school or work by a certain time. I’d rise from my slumbers on command from my alarm clock to fumble my way in the darkness before the dawn. I often left the comfort of my home before the sun had arisen to get in line with cars moving slowing to different destinations. I’d eat my breakfast as I navigated my way and sip on caffeinated drinks to keep me alert. 

I missed so much in those days. I was controlled by schedules and calendars. The only time I seemed to have to relax was when I fell into bed exhausted each night. That’s when my mind would drift to dreams and anxieties. I’d think of how lovely it would be to hide away in a tiny cabin in the woods where I had no worries or demands to keep me moving from one task to another. I loved my life and my career, but sometimes I felt so tired. I was living on a treadmill from which there seemed to be no escape, no time to just do what I wanted to to do. 

Retirement has changed all of that. Ironically I am unable to sleep late as I had so often wanted to do. I still mostly arise before the sun has lit up the new day. I like being alone in the house while my husband and father-in-law are still slumbering. I make my breakfast and my tea and find a quiet spot to watch the sun coming up on the horizon. I listen to my neighbors leaving for work and school. I revel in the sounds of living and laughter. 

I appreciate my morning freedom the most when there is a chill in the air. I don my favorite sweater over my pajamas and slip my feet into my furry slippers. I sit and experience total contentment devoid of thoughts about any plans or duties that I may have. I find that sweet spot in my mind that slows my breathing and brings my blood pressure down. I think that this surely must be what real meditation feels like. I smile and think of dear friends who used to attempt to show me how to find inner contentment through prayer and quiet reflection. In those days I was never able to slow down enough to understand how wonderful such moments can be. 

I have more clarity now than ever before. I think of how we all seem to spend too much time racing from one task to another, one place to another. I tell myself that “the world is too much with us.” I understand the power of stopping to smell the roses. I rejoice that “I can see clearly now.” All of the so called cliches come to mind and I find them too be far more wise than I ever thought they might be. We humans are actually no so different from the millions of souls who have come before us. We think that our modernity has made us different, but in reality life is about surviving and thriving and finding ourselves. Our tendency is to tackle the world rather than surrender to it. 

Perhaps we would all be wise to find balance in the way we live. We are certainly wired to tackle problems rather than to simply ignore them. We have the ability to learn and to change and our natures are often competitive. Nonetheless, we owe it to ourselves to find moments that are ours alone, time to chill however that may feel best. For some it will be reading or listening to music. For others it will be praying. For me it is just sitting still and listening to the sounds around me, allowing myself the luxury of doing nothing but existing alongside the people and the creatures who are on this journey of life with me. 

Soon enough my household comes alive with discussions of tasks that must be accomplished in the new day. There may be surprises that demand my attention or the routines of uneventful days may simply proceed. Like people all over the world I will dutifully join the daily procession of life armed with a new resolve born from my brief moments of early morning reflection. I’ll slip into my work clothes and tackle challenges or simply enjoy the monotony of an ordinary day. 

Time passes quickly. I blinked and I was suddenly a grandmother with flecks of gray sparkling in my hair. I glanced at my friends and saw old people and wondered when they had become that way. My little grandchildren are tall and confident young adults. My daughters speak of preparing for retirement within a decade or two. The family refers to me as the matriarch, a title that still seems to belong to my mother or mother-in-law until I remember that they are no longer here. I realize that my time is waning and I must make the best of every minute. Those early morning musings become more and more important to me. 

I wish that I had listened to good friends who counseled me to take more time for myself when I was young. Stopping for a moment does not have to be a lengthy or complicated venture. We owe it to ourselves to find a way to still the noise, relax, look deeply into our souls each and every day of our lives. I suspect that if we made our meditations an uncompromised part of our daily routines we would have a much better outlook on life. Find a way to stop the madness of the world if only for a minute or two. It will make a difference that will bring a smile to your face and comfort to your heart. Try it! I think you will like it.