My mother and her siblings were first generation Americans. Their parents came to the United States shortly before the outbreak of World War I. There were eight children altogether and all but one of them stayed in Houston, Texas where they were born. They were a rowdy but loving group that congregated every Friday night at the home where they had grown up. By the time I came along my grandfather had died but I saw my grandmother almost religiously once each week.
On Christmas Eve there was a huge party at my grandmother’s home. Over time me and my cousins became adults and married and began having children so the crowd that gathered was huge. Once my grandmother died my Uncle Paul kept up the Christmas Eve tradition which became an expected annual routine. Once he was gone the gathering fell apart.
My eldest cousin did his best to get us all together after Christmas but as time went by the numbers who showed up began to wane. Before long we seemed to just give up on the idea of being able to all gather in one place at one time. That’s when we began creating our new traditions in our more nuclear families.
My brother, Michael, and his wife had a lovely home and they decided to host not just a Christmas Eve party but also one on Thanksgiving. Year after year the number of family members increased and so did the number of people at each party. Eventually my brother’s eldest daughter volunteered to host the Christmas Eve gala that was a boisterous and lovely time for celebrating our incredible family.
I took on the Christmas Day challenge and for many years I filled my home with tables where everyone feasted on dinner and congeniality. It was a great deal of work but I enjoyed being with the family so much that I did not mind. It was just wonderful to be so close and to have so many great opportunities to be together as one.
Just as with our older family traditions as the family grew and our children and grandchildren became older everyone was experiencing conflicts that made attending an annual event almost impossible for everyone. Once again the numbers dwindled and those of us hosting the events began to age and grow a bit weary of tackling such big events.
I am somewhat sentimental about traditions but I also know that things change and there comes a time when we all have to adjust to new realities. I used to feel a bit sorry for people who described their Christmas revelry as being only for the most immediate family sometimes on different days. They would tell me that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were just dates on their calendars and that they celebrated whenever it worked well for those that they loved.
Now it seems that our once great big extended family that no doubt numbers in multiples of ten is more fractured than ever. People live far away and have jobs that may or may not allow them to fly back to Texas. Some even have jobs here that require them to work even on holidays. The young people are in romantic alliances that require them to juggle different family groups. So now it is uncertain what Christmas will be like this year. What is certain is that it will be different and I suppose that this is a change that was almost inevitable as the descendants of my grandparents’ eight children grew and grew and grew at the same time that they were moving all over the map.
I suppose that now we are more and more like families whose generations have lived in the United States not just for decades but for centuries. The only way to attempt to get everyone together is with a huge family reunion and one that does not fall at Christmastime when airports are swarming with people.
This year my youngest daughter and her brood will be in New York City where my granddaughter is working with only a few days off. I will see my daughter for Thanksgiving and maybe before or after Christmas. My eldest daughter has asked to take over the Christmas Day celebration that I always hosted and I have to admit that her invitation is a relief. As I have grown older I don’t have the energy that I once had to host dozens and dozens of people.
I still plan to decorate like a mad woman and I may invite my grandchildren to help set up the trees and place the ornaments. Then I can spend my time baking goodies for my neighbors and maybe get myself together enough to invite them to my home for a small gathering. Whatever happens I am determined to adjust to whatever works best for everyone. After all Christmas is about so much more than parties and presents. It is a spiritual time for people all over the world. Slowing it down will no doubt be a lovely change of course.
