I have often written about my childhood and the impact of my mother on the way I see the world. After my father died she somehow managed to keep me and my brothers fed and educated and loved. All three of us graduated from college and went on the have incredible careers and to earn advanced degrees. It was my mother’s influence that gave us the courage to follow our individual dreams. She loved and supported us no matter what choices we each made in forging the outcomes of our lives.
We grew up in a home with many blessings and very little money. There was seldom room for any kind of luxuries. My mother and I kept the house clean with a strict routine of tidying things every single week. My brothers kept the yard in shape and we all got little jobs as soon as we were able. With our group efforts we got along in the world quite well and most people had little knowledge of how strict my mother’s budget had to be. She was indeed a wizard at making things happen. She often joked that she had a hidden money tree that she used to keep us safe and sound.
All three of us worked very hard even when we became adults. My brothers earned a bit more income than I did as a teacher, but I loved my work and it was supplemented by my husband’s salary. We were able to provide our two daughters with the same kind of love and opportunities that my mother gave to me and my brothers but we still had to be financially careful. As a result I never used outside help to keep my home clean and my husband was a handyman who performed most of the repairs that we ever needed.
It was not until I was sidelined by knee surgery last winter that I finally decided to bring someone into my home to clean the rooms and freshen the general appearance of the place. My nephew had married a lovely young woman from Venezuela and she in turn had taken advantage of a program created by President Joe Biden to bring family members to the United States from Venezuela. Soon her sister, Maria, was living in her home and caring for their son while she worked outside of the house.
Maria has been a godsend for my nephew’s little family. Their son is autistic and Maria takes him to the therapy classes that he needs. She is there to watch over him when he returns. She has literally devoted herself to the task of keeping him safe and insuring that he will ultimately get better. He loves his “Tia” and she loves him but she also wanted to be able to earn some income of her own so she began to clean houses on the weekend. When I became unable to adequately keep my home in shape I asked her to come do her magic. I was able to transfer my earnings from homeschooling and teaching in a wonderful exchange.
Maria is incredible. She literally spends hours making every corner and crevice in the house squeaky clean. She moves furniture and dusts every inch of every surface. By the time she is finished the house looks brand new and I am oh so very happy. Somehow it feels right to give her an opportunity to earn some money while I am able to have a home as clean as my own high standards.
I do not get Maria here every single week. I do have other fun things that my teaching and tutoring allow me to do. I do most of the cleaning in spurts. I no longer have the energy to clean every room on the same day. I break down my chores throughout the week. I still have one bad knee so I am unable to kneel down to scrub a tub or clean the baseboards. I rely on long handled apparati to get the corners that I used to be able to attack with no trouble. Once in awhile I enjoy bringing Maria back in to do a deeper dive into the grime that builds up as part of our daily routines. She is young and flexible and even rather professional in her work so that the end product is truly a thing of beauty.
I have had to learn to rely more and more on the help of others. I used to be a human dynamo but age has made so many things more and more difficult to achieve. I am no longer able to hoist the big pots that hold my ferns and flowers. I have to ask the man who mows my lawn to do such things and he works for a very small price. Likewise I have had to empty out my attic because climbing in and out of it and then crawling on my knees is now a nonstarter. It has admittedly been difficult for me to admit that this old grey mare ain’t what she used to be.
My mother and mother-in-law quite graciously accepted their limitations as they aged. My father-in-law all too often refused to do so with the result being injuries to himself that need not have ever happened. He ultimately began to understand the importance of relying on others which was a blessing to us all.
Maria and Jose and Big John and so many others now do the tasks that my husband and I once did. We have a mutually wonderful agreement that keeps our home running smoothly and keeps me and my husband out of trouble. Realizing our limitations has become a gift to our daughters and a nice way of aging in place for us.
