I go off the charts with every attempt to determine whether I am an extrovert or an introvert. Most of the time I land in the ninety ninth percentile of introversion. I suppose that these tests somewhat explain the tenor of my life. While I love people and enjoy being with them I ultimately require quiet time to revive my spirit. I can only take so much partying and my favorite moments with people are those in very small groups or in a quiet one on one meeting.

I vividly recall feeling a bit like a misfit as a teenager because I tended to run away from boisterous activities. Even when I first arrived at school each day I had to choice of going immediately to the cafeteria to chat with my friends or seeking the quiet of the library. I rarely went to the cafeteria. Instead I headed to the library where I composed myself for the day that lay ahead. I liked people quite deeply but only in small and mostly serene settings.

In college I initially attempted to change my ways. I eagerly went to street dances and joined the frivolities in the Cougar Den where students gathered between classes. I found rides to frat parties and joined clubs. It did not take long for me to realize that I was not having fun. I decided to be myself which often meant sitting quietly on a bench under the trees or in the Religious Center until my next class took place. Being who I was always felt good even as I wondered if there was something wrong with me.

Eventually I began to understand that each of us are attuned to the world a bit differently. I enjoy conversing with people in a low key setting but I come unglued if the environment is constantly raucous. I would finally learn that it is quite normal for some of us to find solace in alone time in peaceful settings.

The vast majority of the world is actually extroverted. Those people relax in crowded spaces with lots of fun people. After a long week of work they need to get out into the swing of things whereas I long for a good book by the fireplace. I love rainy days because they give me the perfect excuse to shut out all of the clamor of the world around me.

When I go out on errands I tend to walk under the radar. I like being alone with my thoughts and watching the hubbub from afar. I may smile at the people that I pass and even greet them but I don’t really want to engage with them in the moment. Nonetheless I too need human interaction in my life. I just set it up a bit differently.

I like to go out with no more than three other people. I find that in a grouping like that the conversations are far more meaningful. We are not competing for the right to speak. We do not have to shout or get crazy. It is always intimate and meaningful.

For almost five years my father-in-law lived in my home. He was the polar opposite of me. His extroversion was as close to perfection of that kind of personality as mine was in the other direction. He needed to have daily routines that included jokes and fun. I had often witnessed him being carried on the shoulders of his many friends as the life of the party. His stories always centered on galas where everyone was dancing and laughing and forgetting about the serious issues of the world. This is what he needed to survive and he kept that style all the way to his death. Everyone in his nursing home spoke of how funny he was.

I suspect that my father-in-law never fully understood my personality. I much preferred the moments when my mother-in-law and I would sit at her dining room table sipping tea and munching on biscuits. She would school me on whatever book or philosophy that she was studying while my husband and father-in-law were watching ball games and sharing jokes. When my father-in-law spoke of his favorite people they were often the extroverts. Ironically his very best friend was a cousin who was as introverted as they come.

As a teacher I began to understand how different the needs of each of us are. Our personality traits land along a spectrum of possibilities and no one way is either better or less than. We are who we are and almost seem to be that way from the start of our lives. I was a very serious child growing up under the care of an extroverted mother. I had a exceptionally extroverted little brother and another one who may have actually been more introverted than I ever was. Who knows how such things happen but they tell me that we should not be so quick to judge people by how they feel most comfortable being. That should include our religious feelings and even how we see ourselves on the sexual spectrum.

Our brains are constantly working and sending us message and urges that seem to be as innate as the color of our eyes. We now know that even eating habits are controlled by hormones coming from our brains. We speak of people being eight left or right brained. The powerful mechanisms in the nerve center of our bodies are yet to be totally understood but we now know that they send different messages to each of us depending on a host of factors.

I am at peace with being who I am. It feels good to understand that there is nothing wrong with me for wanting a serene environment. I still enjoy people to the max but not so much in big groups. It is in finding a corner away from everyone that I feel the closest to the people in my life. At the same time I would not dare to ask those who love a night of exciting revelry to be any different than they are. Knowing and honoring each personality is a step toward making a better world.