Category: Empathy

Living From Day to Day

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

beautiful-sunset-sky-with-birds-royalty-free-image-865856136-1547059564Regardless of what may be happening with respect to the rest of the population I won’t be leaving my home to resume my normal activities anytime soon. My cautionary tendencies are screaming at me to take a wait and see approach to attempts to restart my routines once again. In spite of my own feeling that I am not one of the vulnerable ones despite my age, I happen to live with someone who has heart disease and I love him enough to make a few sacrifices to keep him safe. Besides, I have no assurances that my body would respond well to an infection of Covid-19. I may be kidding myself in thinking that I am made of steel.

Years ago my husband, my mother-in-law, and I came down with hepatitis A. They sailed through a relatively mild two week case while I spent three months sapped by the illness with my doctors wondering if I would ever become well again. I did finally overcome the infection but I spent over twelve weeks in quarantine, only leaving my home to visit my doctors. It took me many more weeks to regain my energy.

I suppose that my point is that I am not ready to take any unnecessary risks so I will continue staying home until it is very clear that the danger has passed. In the meantime I know how to keep myself busy but I will surely miss my encounters with people. I know that my writing has become a bit boring. I tend to find my inspiration by being part of the world at large. For now I am limited to watching my neighbors from my front room window and checking the pulse of humanity from posts on Facebook and news stories from journalists who don’t necessarily share my views. My borders have become smaller and smaller but I feel guilty to complain because my “prison” is filled with luxury.

Last year around this time I was in London. Perhaps the most fascinating place that I visited was the London Tower, home of Willam the Conqueror and countless monarchs which eventually became better known as a place of imprisonment and execution. I walked through cold stoney rooms where people had spent years languishing in isolation as criminals. They left intricately carved graffiti on the walls that speak of their frustration even centuries later. My temporary time of being shut off from society does not hold a candle to what they must have endured so I know that one way or another I will manage to get through this.

My head is filled with so many questions and concerns that it’s sometimes difficult for me to string words together in a coherent sentence. I am a thinker by nature but I have to be careful not to let my thoughts take me too far down a rabbit hole. I’d be much better off doing something constructive like Sir Isaac Newton who invented Calculus after he was sent home from Cambridge during a plague. I doubt that I will ever be quite that brilliant but it inspires me to use my time constructively rather than dwelling on possibilities that may or may not unfold. Perhaps I may use this time to relearn Calculus since I haven’t done anything in that realm since I was eighteen years old. I might even end up with a healthier mind.

It’s not as though I am incommunicado. I still speak with family and friends. Zoom, FaceTime, and Skype have been godsends in keeping me linked with people. I send texts and voice my feelings on Facebook. I read voraciously. The world is literally at my fingertips in one form or another. My worst days stuck inside are indeed mostly pleasant.

I found a list of books about plagues on the BBC website. I bookmarked the article that outlined the various volumes. It might be fun to take a look at some of them. I read The Plague by Albert Camus when I was in high school and recall being fascinated by it. Maybe it’s time to read it from the perspective of someone who is older, wiser, and has seen the actual ravages that a plague can inflict on the world. Maybe I can even set my mind to writing my own historical fiction book or story about Covid-19.

I sometimes wonder when I will feel safe enough to reintegrate with the life outside my home. The doctors in my family urge me not to be in a hurry to demonstrate my courage. They speak of their own worries for themselves and their children. They seem to believe that our dangers are far from being over. They are unwilling to suggest a time when it might be totally safe for me to emerge from my cocoon so I will just take things one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time without trying to gaze too far into the future and hopefully without letting my very vivid imagination get away from me.

The Spanish flu pandemic of 1918 was horrific. Writer Katherine Porter lived through that terrifying experience and later wrote a semi-autobiographical piece about a young woman who survived the epidemic. During an interview not long before Ms. Porter died she revealed that of all the tragic events of the twentieth century it was the 1918 influenza outbreak that most affected her. In fact she spoke of never having been able to totally get over the horror of what she saw during that time.

We are living history even from inside our homes. The children of the future will want to know what we did and what we saw. There is something both exciting and terrifying at one and the same time. My only hope is that however each of us chooses to react to the situation we will do so with the intention of making it a bit easier for everyone else. For me that means staying put for a bit more time. 

A Time For Healing

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

It’s far too soon to speak of the Covid-19 pandemic being over. It’s doubtful that we will be able to flip a switch and go back to the normal, at least for a time. There will be a wariness in the air until there are no longer daily outbreaks of the disease and a trustworthy vaccine is available to everyone. Still, we are becoming more and more anxious for that day to come because at heart we enjoy being part of a community. It is in our natures to be productive as well, to have purpose in our lives.

We’ve spent time away from the ebb and flow of the world at large. Our streets have been quieter along with our daily routines. We have had time to think, to meditate, to consider what kind of changes we might want to see in the new normal that will emerge. In some ways we no longer wish to return to the status quo as it once was because in our days of isolation we have realized new possibilities. Our worldwide distancing has in an ironic twist made us somehow feel closer. The individual who dies in Italy is as important to us as the grandfather who does not make it in our hometown.

We have witnessed a simplification in our lives, reminding ourselves of what and who is actually essential. The skies are clearer all over the world and so are our priorities and obligations to share our lives with others. As we enjoy our own blessings we realize how many people it took to make them happen. We may be in a cocoon of safety right now but we survive so pleasantly only because an army of people have worked diligently to keep the supply chain of goods and services running.

We look to our medical community for answers and comfort in time of need and see the immense sacrifices that have always been part of their work. We struggle to keep our children learning and realize the creative and caring presence that teachers have have been even while we often criticized their efforts. That onion or that loaf of bread are suddenly precious commodities brought to us with the backbreaking labor of migrant workers, people that we have sometimes derided in the past. We look to the wonders of technology to keep us connected and pray for the genius of our scientists and engineers to bring us out of this crisis.

We must surely be humbled by this pandemic which has both upended our way of life and demonstrated the amazing human spirit. Heroes that we once thought to be ordinary have emerged with powers more wonderful than Superman. That nurse who dons her battle gear day after day to administer to the dying deserves a Medal of Honor. The drivers who bring food and supplies to vulnerable shut-ins are providing an immeasurable service. The neighbors who look after one another are the very foundation of who we are as people.

We have learned to enjoy simple things. We realize that we do not need as much as we may have thought. The sound of a neighbor playing the violin is lovely enough to make our day. The birds that congregate in our trees are as entertaining as an evening spent on the town. The meals prepared at home are tastier than those at a five star restaurant. Maybe we don’t really need that extra pair of shoes or a new pair of earrings. Instead we might see who around us is struggling and help them to weather this storm.

When we speak of making America great I suspect that we now realize that it will require an acknowledgement that we are indeed members of a global community. A tiny virus has shown us that we cannot escape the fact that when a butterfly flaps its wings in Africa we are all somehow affected. This pandemic was not the fault of any one nation but we are all reeling from it.

Our new big idea should be to look around and see who or what needs help. We must look for ways to use our resources and our privileges more wisely and more universally. We need to consider our young adults who will be inheriting a world greatly changed. We must share our wisdom and work together to overcome the forces of human weaknesses like greed. We also must accept the reality that we are in a symbiotic relationship with the environment and everything we do affects the health of the earth. We humans are not the only ones who are sick, so is nature. It’s time we labor in tandem with our lovely planet.

I hope that we do not soon forget the lessons we have learned in our urgency to open up business as usual. We must be mindful of each other and what is truly important. If we just go back to our closed mindedness and most current tendencies of endless disagreements we will have missed an opportunity to not just recover physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. Now is the time for healing.

Live Laugh Love

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

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For well over five weeks now I have gone nowhere other than Methodist Hospital on the day of my husband’s surgery and Paragon Infusion Center for my injection of Prolia. My days are contained inside the rooms of my home and in the glory of my backyard. I watch the people in my neighborhood from my windows and smile when I hear their laughter. I teach lessons to eight young people from an upstairs bedroom with my computer and my phone depending on what resources they have for distance learning. I try to keep in touch with family and friends and news of the world. It might actually be a rather pleasant time for me were it not for the images of human suffering that I see from all over the world. I am seemingly untouched by Covid-19 in terms of my own physical well being but my heart is heavy with thoughts of those less fortunate.

I am comforted by the overwhelming kindness that I both observe and experience. For the most part the pandemic has brought out the best in people. The good is doing its best to overwhelm the bad. Sure we have incidents of hoarding, price gouging, selfishness but those are the outliers. The more usual response of people all over the world has been to help even when it endangers their own lives. Amazingly there are courageous individuals running into the maelstrom rather than away from it because they want to assist in saving lives. The heroes outnumber the villains exponentially with each person doing whatever he or she can to get us through this nightmare.

In many ways we have been stripped down to the essentials of living. Sure we are watching our televisions and ordering grocery deliveries to our front door, but there is an uncharacteristic quietness and slower pace all around us that allows us to discover more clearly what is most important about our lives. We see that everything that we need is found in our relationships with one another, not in our possessions.

I have become more acutely aware of my own good fortune. The environment in which I await the end of this trial is safe and inviting. If I had to stay here for an indeterminate time I could be quite content. Still, I note that for some the forced isolation is far from pleasant. I am certain that there souls struggling in environments that are unsafe, abusive, lacking in the basic necessities. I pray that the people in such situations will make through this ordeal as unscathed as possible. I pray that someone is looking out for their welfare just as my husband and I check on my aging father-in-law or communicate with our children and grandchildren. I’d like to think that everyone has someone on whom to lean, perhaps a caring teacher or a friend. 

I have not been particularly kind in my assessment of the political leaders of my country and my state during this outbreak. My criticisms have been sometimes brutal but of late I have come to the conclusion that engaging in commentaries about their failures is of no use in the present moment. This is not the time to be concerned with such things because what’s done is done. We have to deal with the situation as it is in the moment, not as we would have liked it to be. There will be plenty of time to analyze the mistakes and determine better plans for the future after the battle over the virus has been won. For now I choose to pray that everyone in charge will be guided by wisdom. I pray that the leaders of the world will understand the need to work together. We have to keep our eyes trained on the real enemy which is Covid-19.

This pandemic is the great equalizer. It knows no geographical boundaries or political philosophies. It does not differentiate between one race or another, religious believers or non-believers. It sees only our humanity stripped down to its most basic form. All of our titles and accomplishments and riches mean nothing to it. We are simply humans whose bodies are places for the virus to find a home. If only we might remember that when the danger finally passes. If only we will celebrate our common bonds that supersede the trivialities of difference that seem to create our problems. Life is what we must cherish and elevate because now we should see that when our backs are against the wall it is all that really matters.

We humans are a resilient lot. we have a way of overcoming challenges again and again. It is a time of uncertainty but the one thing of which we might all be sure is that in the end our ingenuity and common decency will prevail. It has before and it will in this instance. That is the thought that should be sustaining us until we are once again able to throw open our doors and invite the people we love back inside our homes. In the meantime live, laugh and love. It has always been what we were meant to do best. 

Honestly Caring

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

Shipwrecked

As I write this on Good Friday I’m filled with so many conflicting emotions much like everyone else. I am confused but determined, content with my own situation but frustrated, prone to laughter from dark humor and on the verge of tears from touching notifications. In other words my mind is grabbing onto every little bit of encouragement that it can find but a little voice in my head is also warning me not to get too excited too soon. I’m more than ready to get back to the old routines but concerned that jumping back in right away will be dangerous.

I can tell from reading posts on Facebook, tweets on Twitter, editorials from various pundits, reports from news agencies that pretty much everyone is in the same state of mind as I am. We’re all trying to keep a smile on our faces while hoping that nobody notices the sorrow in our eyes. Everyone looks so tired of making the best of the situation and yet we all soldier on, each in our own way, and that is what keeps me feeling so hopeful.

We humans may be a bit battered right now, some worse than others, but we have a wonderful ability to pull ourselves together to do whatever we need to do in the moment. Still, we have to be careful that we don’t attempt to be superhuman. Everyone has a breaking point and it’s really alright to give into it now and again. Each of us may have a moment or several moments in which we meltdown without warning. We may see our children losing it and acting uncharacteristically bratty. That’s when it’s time to take a deep breath and find ways to get those toxic feelings out of our systems.

There are constructive and destructive ways of dealing with our feelings but the one thing that is certain is that we should never just ignore them. We should be supportive of anyone that we know who is having a particularly difficult time. Maybe all we need do is just sit quietly beside them or maybe we allow them to voice all of their anger without judgement or attempts to assuage their emotions. If we really know and love someone we will understand whether they need a good laugh or a virtual hug or the freedom to vent.

At this point we probably all know someone who is exceedingly afraid or angry or annoyingly optimistic or calm. It’s important to remember that we each process the global grief that we are feeling in very different ways. I tend to appear to be a bastion of strength in difficult moments, which is true, but few see my breakdowns once the danger has passed. The feelings that we are experiencing are very real and important and if we watch carefully we will surely note that even our youngest children are reeling from them. Enough of us may have closeted ourselves away from Covid-19 to begin to flatten the curve of contagion but the curve of our feelings is growing exponentially with each passing day.

I got a surprise FaceTime call from my niece, Lorelai, last week. She is a delightfully vibrant, bright and honest child. Our conversation began with questions about a mathematics assignment that she had to complete, but eventually became a tour of her newly organized bedroom and her feelings. It was one of the happiest and healthiest encounters that I have enjoyed of late.

I learned that Lorelai had used most of her time away from school doing lessons online and cleaning her bedroom. She had done a remarkable job with each of these endeavors but admitted that without a live audience with her teachers it was sometimes difficult to grasp concepts. She joked that she was finding out that there is an alternative way of speaking the English language that is quite foreign to talking in Texan. She mentioned that in spite of the dramatic changes in her life she was feeling closer to and more understanding of her siblings. She concluded our little chat by showing me color samples of paint that she was considering for the walls of her bedroom. We both agreed that a lovely lilac color called Opera was a magnificent choice.

I felt so uplifted after talking with Loreali mostly because she is so real about her feelings. All too often we adults tend to hide behind veils of bravery when we really just want to scream like a little nephew of mine did when his mom made him wear a pair of tight fitting shorts that were uncomfortable and not his style. We don’t have to pretend how we are feeling nor should we be upset with others who are emoting in ways that feel uncomfortable to us.

I have a friend who has the most wonderful conversations with her little boy. They sit together and address his issues as they arise. Sometimes his toddler logic is confusing, perhaps because he himself is feeling uncertain. She is a model of patience with him and as a result together they get past all of the toxic moments with love.

Reach out with an open mind. It’s perhaps the most wonderful thing that we might do for one another right now. If you are in a very bad place, don’t hide. Find someone who will listen with compassion. Allow the tears or laughter or prayers or whatever helps to cleanse the toxins from your soul. We may all be in the same boat but some around us are in yachts while others are floating on wreckage. Be aware, be kind and be above all be honest.

Who Are You Staying Home For?

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

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Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York created a campaign called “Who Are You Staying Home For?” It puts the rationale for our stay at home advisories into perspective because there are valid reasons for each of us to isolate not just for ourselves but for the good of someone else. It got me to thinking about my intentions for keeping to myself for almost five weeks now.

I have to admit that I do not wish to contract Covid-19. I tend to believe that if I were to do so I would survive just fine, but I don’t know that for sure. Exposing myself to the virus would be a kind of Russian roulette that our healthcare workers are forced to endure on a daily basis. They don’t need another case to deal with and so it would be incredibly selfish of me to flaunt the directives and potentially place myself in harms way. So I stay home for all of the dedicated individuals who are responding so valiantly to caring for those unfortunate souls who have somehow caught the virus. I hope that somehow I and others might lighten their load if we manage to stay well.

I’ve also been quite worried about my husband, Mike. He only recently had surgery to correct major blockage in the arteries of his heart. He is doing well but I believe that if he were to catch Covid-19 it would be quite dangerous. He’s seventy two years old with heart disease, a combination that does not bode well for anyone who comes down with the virus. I am vigilantly staying away from any situation that might be a source of the disease. I order all of my groceries and when they arrive I have a routine for disinfecting them that I use religiously. My hands are cracked and quite ugly from all of the washing to which I have subjected them. I am obsessively compulsive about taking all of the precautions quite soberly knowing that if I get flippant and catch Covid-19 there is a good chance that I will infect Mike.

I’m staying home for the people that I have never met who might accidentally catch the virus from me if I become infected and travel brazenly around my neighborhood and my city. I don’t want to be that person who spreads disease because I am unwilling to be careful. I don’t want to be someone who assumes that we are being duped into a draconian situation that is based on some grand hoax. If I flaunt the rules and I am wrong I will only be complicit in prolonging society’s suffering. I’m staying home so that we have a chance at getting back to normal sooner rather than later.

I’m staying home because I truly believe that God has given us the intellect to know what we must do not just to save ourselves but also as many of our fellow humans as possible. He has placed many brilliant doctors and scientists in our midst who believe that if we can flatten the curve of contagion there will be fewer lives lost. Why would I not listen to the experts? Why would I be so arrogant as to believe that without any knowledge of viruses and medicine I know more than those who have studied these things?

I’m staying home for my children and grandchildren so that they will have one less person to worry about because I know that they are indeed concerned about me. I want them to be confident that I am going to be fine because I am not taking any unnecessary risks. Staying inside my house is a very small sacrifice to provide them with a greater sense of well being.

I’m staying home because this virus really is novel. There is so much more that we must learn about it. I want the rise of emergencies to subside enough that those who study such things will have more time to discover the secrets of Covid-19. We have to know exactly how it works and what if anything is capable of stopping it both before and after it happens. I want to help clear the hospital decks so that this kind of work can commence without interruption.

I’m staying home because I know that it is the right thing to do. I understand that sometimes my liberties must be secondary to the good of all. I may have a right to be cavalier but if doing so endangers others then I am wrong to insist on bucking the system.

I’m staying home so that those who have lost their jobs may possibly get back to work sooner rather than later. I understand that we must all make sacrifices and be willing to help each other even when we are once again allowed to emerge into the outside world.. There will be much need for support and I want to be healthy and ready to do my part.

Who are you staying home for?