Category: Humor

A Facebook Story

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

h0fvargheeyaybm4oyytI’ve been a member of Facebook for some time now, so I’ve watched it change. In the beginning it was a great way for me to keep up with friends and even to find people that I had lost along the way. Over time I accumulated a rather large following and I suppose that it was the same for most of the people who had signed up for the service. I understand that it would be rather chaotic if the posts from my hundreds of friends were to show up on my wall each day. It somewhat made sense that the folks at Facebook had to find a way to tame the beast so to speak. The result was the creation of various algorithms designed to ferret out the main people whose posts they thought I would most like to see. Unfortunately the rendering of a mathematical analysis resulted in my losing touch with a number of individuals with whom I had happily reunited. Facebook appears to think that I mostly want to hear from relatives and people who are my own age. While I have definitely enjoyed hearing from those individuals I have to admit that I am angry that I no longer see the posts from so many of my younger friends. The Facebook methodology is a rather presumptuous way of determining whose photos and comments I will see from day to day and who will see mine.

Since I write a blog each weekday I eventually created a special page on which to share the information. The idea was to find a larger audience for my stories. Admittedly it has been a bit of a bust in the last year or so, and I suspect that it is because Facebook is doing the same kind of things with that account that it does with my main one. In other words over half of the people who I number as my friends never see the post. Adding insult to injury is the fact that Facebook is perfectly willing to boost my reach if I pay them a certain amount each month. Since I am unwilling to give them any money we appear to be at an impasse.

I suppose that I should be happy enough that Facebook provides me with an advertising platform, albeit quite small, but a few years ago I was managing to inform around four to five hundred people a day in the same venue. Now I am lucky to gain the notice of a hundred. Perhaps it is the result of my writing having grown dull, or maybe it is because of another one of those strange Facebook algorithms, which leads me to another bone that I wish to pick.

Since setting up a page for my blog I have written over four hundred fifty entries, each with a special image attached. I tend to believe that a photo has a certain ability to entice people to read my thoughts, so I never simply use words. Awhile back I composed a piece about Heinrich Himmler. I had seen a documentary about him that prompted me to consider how often we have monsters in our midst whose physical appearance and background seems so harmless. The theme of my essay revolved around the horrors that this seemingly innocuous individual managed to perpetrate. My composition was in reality a verbal takedown of Himmler and his henchmen, and as usual I included a picture to illustrate my points.

For some reason out of the four hundred fifty odd other images that I had posted Facebook chose to single out the Himmler photo and display it prominently on my page as an example of what I have to offer. Seeing that horrible face again and again quickly began to irritate me, but I hoped that it would eventually be replaced by a newer offering. Day after day after day I had to look at that mugshot and wonder what someone who did not know me might think about that image being so prominently displayed on my wall. I began to worry that Facebook had some kind of algorithm designed to find right wing extremists and that perhaps they had pegged me as someone to watch because I had used that picture.

I’m a bit hard headed so I decided just to wait and see what might eventually happen, but the image never went away. They did not replace it with the lovely photos of my students or Mother Theresa or the heavens. Somehow the people who decide such things thought that it should stay. Finally in sheer desperation, and my own aversion to constantly viewing that mug, I simply deleted the entire post. He is gone forever from my wall but I truly wonder what kind of indelible and erroneous impression I may have made on someone who has never met me or read my ideas.

The world of social media can be a very scary place in which we take risks each time that we reveal a bit of ourselves. We never really know who is seeing our posts nor how they are interpreting them. I suspect that from time to time we all draw hasty conclusions about things that we see without ever bothering to read more about them or even to ask questions about why they are there. We fall for stories that are dubious without following up to determine their veracity or lack of it. We make instantaneous judgements and read between the lines overlaying our own thoughts on others. We question the intelligence of someone because of grammatically confusing posts and poor word choices when sometimes those errors are the result of autocorrect. What we think we see can be a real slippery slope of incorrect judgement, and in today’s world lots of people are being tried and found guilty in the court of public opinion without virtue of valid evidence.

I have so few visitors to my blog Facebook page that I’m probably okay, especially now that Himmler”s ugly mug is gone, but my own story made me think about how we all too often indict people without ever seeking explanations for the things that we think we see them doing. Mine is a good lesson in both being circumspect in how we present things and taking care not to draw swift conclusions. I have long held that our first recourse should be to give people the benefit of doubt. In most cases they are innocent of bad intentions. Only after we have assembled facts and evidence should we make judgements that might prove them guilty.

We are all too often manipulated by a steady barrage of opinions and innuendo from questionable sources. A good way to combat the propaganda is to always start by assuming the best and then put in the time and work to uncover the truth.

 

This Day

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

_80896621_159150619We’ve all played the parlor games that go something like this,”What if you were able to go back in time? Where would you go? Whom would you want to see?” Aside from the fact that at least for now it’s impossible to travel back into history, it’s fun to imagine sitting across from a host of interesting characters. It’s often difficult to narrow down the possible choices and to decide what to say when you get there. Do you just take in the times as they were, or do you warn individuals of events that are yet to come? Would it be proper to tell Abraham Lincoln not to go the theater on the night of his assassination? Of course even the smallest hint about the future would have the potential of changing everything, so there would be a certain danger in revealing all that we know. Still, the possibilities are so tempting, making it even more difficult to choose where to go and whom to visit.

On a personal level there is a temptation to go find a favorite loved one or some long lost and mysterious relatives, but then the very idea of being present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence or hearing Jesus give the sermon on the mount is breathtaking. Being an eye witness to history has a dramatic appeal as does actually speaking with heroes from the past. It’s a challenge to choose just one time, place or individual.

I saw a program on PBS in which Stephen Hawking explained that theoretically it might be possible to go back in time, but the real problem lies in getting back home. He explained that the laws of physics appear to preclude advancing into the future, so anyone who went backward in time would find themselves stuck in a cosmic wrinkle. I can’t pretend that I understood a word that he said in describing this phenomenon, but it tells me that we probably won’t have too many takers even if we ever do find a way to travel into the past. Who would be willing to be stuck in a foreign environment until death?

I used to have a very strange theory that Jesus came from an advanced civilization far in the future that is so nearly perfect that it is akin to heaven. Knowing what we would do to ourselves as humans He agreed to go back in time to teach us how we should live. Of course He had no way of returning from whence He had come, so He had to stay here on earth being ultimately tortured and put to death. My theory falls apart upon His death because He rose from leaving an empty tomb. Maybe somebody had finally found a way to get back home by the time of His existence in a world far away in time and place. (My apologies to those who might find my curious thoughts to be a form of blasphemy. I just like to dabble in unusual thinking from time to time. I actually do believe in God but I have always felt that we have never completely figured Him out. Thus I propose strange ideas now and again.)

We humans are so fascinated by the past, but I truly wonder how many of us would be able to survive in days gone by. We tend to fantasize about what things were like, forgetting how difficult daily living was little more than a hundred years ago and all the way back to the beginning of time. Walking with Jesus would be hot and dusty and devoid of any of the conveniences that we take for granted. The dangers that our Founding Fathers faced from being tried and found guilty of treason might overwhelm us. Our romantic visions of ancient Greece would become dashed with the realities of lives quite different and far more brutal from those of our imaginations. I suspect that the truth is that there is no turning back once we have moved forward. I doubt that most of us would even want to retreat to a time as recently as the nineteen fifties.

Our longing for the good old days is most often misplaced. Our advances since bygone days are so spectacular that we would be misfits even in a culture that many of us actually experienced. In the fifties, for example, we’d be looking for our cell phones and wondering why our televisions only had three channels, all in black and white. We would be stunned by overt racism and segregation. We would witness people dying from illnesses for which there are now cures. All in all I suspect that we would be more than ready to return to the present.

I don’t suppose that time travel will ever become a reality and I’m rather certain that it wouldn’t be a good thing even if we somehow found the capability. As humans we slowly but surely evolve and progress. Nothing ever stays exactly the same and that is a good thing. We sometimes feel the rush of change happening too quickly for our taste and the sting of regret creates a desire for second changes, but all in all we are better off looking to the future than clinging to the past. It’s a beautiful thing to know that on the whole we have a tendency to get better and better as time goes by. 

We can learn from our history but there is little need to relive it. Instead our goal should be to make the most of our here and now. It is in how we handle today that our tomorrows may be brighter. Carpe diem is one of the best piece of wisdom by which we may lead our lives. The past may be fascinating but this day is where we become whatever we were meant to be.

Tea Time

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

564_HighTeaAtTheEmprassHotelFor most of my life I have rushed around with a schedule so busy that I rarely stopped blowing and going until I fell into bed at night. Now that I am retired I have developed a lovely habit of pausing for afternoon tea. I noticed that between two and three each day I would suddenly become sleepy. I’m not yet ready to take naps so I decided to perk myself up with a cup of brew in the English style which meant drinking tea rather than coffee. I sit in my favorite easy chair with a view of my gardens and sip on Earl Grey, Chai, English Breakfast or some exotic blend of teas from the east. It is a rather invigorating experience that I have grown to love.

My daughter who is a nurse says that there is actually a physiological reason that we grow weary in the afternoon. It has to do with food intake and elevated body temperature. I suppose that long ago certain cultures took note of the general dip in energy that we humans experience and decided to create traditions of ingesting caffeine products to induce a feeling of well being. The afternoon tea was part of that trend and has been followed now for centuries. I am one of its more recent converts.

There is something very civilized about taking care of oneself by pausing for refreshment that we tend to ignore in our go go go society. It’s truly a shame that we mistreat ourselves. Back when I was a child my mother always took a break at almost the same time every day. She gave me and my brothers fruit or cookies and a glass of milk. She prepared herself a cup of coffee and sometimes shared it with friends who would drop in for a brief respite from their chores. The tasks that she had to perform seemed far less odious after a little pause. We tend to do less and less of that sort of thing as we focus more and more on constant productivity.

One year Mike and I accompanied a friend from Austria on a trip to his homeland. We enjoyed a lovely concert in one of the local schools which prompted a discussion of the school day schedule in that country. Our friend told us that the required time in the classroom was much shorter than what our American students experience. He said that pupils are usually finished with their lessons rather early in afternoon and go home. In fact, throughout much of Austria shops, banks, restaurants and places of business close for a time each afternoon so that employees will be able to relax before completing the day’s work. I know that we had to wait for almost an hour one day before getting inside a bank because it was the time of day for a long break. The coffee and tea shops opened for the crowds of people who sat for a time enjoying warm drinks and conversations.

I had always read about the tradition of high tea. On a number of occasions I found myself walking through five star hotels where people were enjoying such a luxury, but I never actually got to try the experience. On a trip to Victoria, British Columbia in Canada I finally fulfilled an item that had long been on my bucket list when Mike and I and two of my grandsons went to the high tea at the Empress Hotel. It was not exactly an inexpensive diversion, but certainly one that I will always remember.

I felt like a dignitary as we sat at a table draped with a brilliant white starched tablecloth in a room dripping with chandeliers and warm mahogany. An elegant waiter explained the process to us and asked if we had any special requests. Soon he was bringing us heaping bowls of strawberries with real whipped cream along with trays of crumpets, delicate sandwiches, chocolates, scones and other delights. The tea itself was a special blend unique to the hotel which was served in delicate china cups. The waiter was at our service and his every move was refined and almost balletic. The funny thing is that we had brought two ten year old boys, one of whom was in thrall with the occasion and the other who seriously wanted to get away as quickly as possible because he did not like the smell of tea. The disgruntled one behaved beautifully in spite of his reservations and managed to find enough to eat to make it worthwhile. The happy one was so ecstatic that he swore that he wanted to move to Victoria one day and then take his mother and his future wife to tea time whenever he wished.

I purchased some of the special tea and brought it home to share with my other grandchildren who like to have a tea party when they come. They insist on using my china and having sugar cubes to sweeten the lovely brown liquid. When I finally ran out of the exquisite tea I tried to send for more only to learn that the hotel will not mail items to the United States. A friend of my daughter’s who lives in Calgary came to the rescue when she heard of my dilemma. I have it sent to her and then she forwards it to me. It is a rather expensive process but so worth it in the long run. My grandchildren grow excited when they hear of a new delivery arriving at my home.

I carry a metal teapot in my travel trailer for afternoon tea time. We used it over and over again last summer when we journeyed to California. It made us feel as though we were passengers on the Orient Express, seeking new lands and adventures. I was so happy that I had someone with whom to share my special passion.

My sister-in-law introduced me to a wonderful tea store in Estes Park, Colorado not long ago. She recommended that I try their Cream Earl Grey and it is phenomenal. I try to visit there at least once a year now to replenish my stock. When I am unable to travel I use their mail order service to keep myself always at the ready.

Tea is so delicate and has such an amazing history. One of my all time favorite mornings was spent with two of my former students who treated me to a tea tasting. We sipped on golden colored liquids from China and India while talking of the world’s problems and solving them at the same time. Later one of them gave me a book on the history of tea and a lovely teapot with matching cups along with cans of my favorite varieties from a Chinese market. I remember our special time whenever I use those items. There is something about sharing food and drink that creates a never forgotten bond.

When I was still working at South Houston Intermediate one of the teachers hosted a tea time for her students. She asked them to dress in their finery and she brought lovey dishes and china from her home for them to use. Few of them had ever experienced such a thing and they were so excited. I suspect that they recall that lovely treat just as much as I do and think of their thoughtful teacher warmly. Maybe they even began the tradition in their own homes.

I truly understand why tea has played such an important role in the history of the world and why rebellious colonists scoffed at the taxes levied on the imports of their favorite brews. Enjoying afternoon tea becomes a delightful habit that makes even a dreary day feel a bit brighter. If you’ve never tried it maybe now is a good time. Even a pot of plain old Lipton served in a pretty cup will energize you and send you back to work ready to tackle anything.

Real Life U

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

finaltiedyedblowdryerI attended a big graduation party for my grandson this weekend. We talked about all sorts of things and even had a few good laughs about my hair. I told all of the usual jokes about how difficult it is to arrange and the stories of actual insults that I have received from clueless people who simply don’t understand what it’s like to struggle with locks the texture of corn silk. Some people even took turns feeling how baby fine it is. I received all sorts of suggestions about what to do with it, but the fact is that it looks great only when my hair dressers fixes it. Trouble is that I can’t reproduce her coiffures at home. I simply don’t have the skills to puff it up and get it to lie right.

In truth I would love to be able to do a better job with my hair so I decided to search the Internet for ideas and came upon some YouTube videos done by a famous stylist. He demonstrated what type of blowdryer to use for my kind of hair and how to properly apply cremes that produce more volume in the hair shaft. I learned a great deal from him that I will certainly try, but I suspect that I would do even better if I had a personal coach who might watch me to correct any mistakes that I make in the process. After all we have such people on call at gyms. That got me to thinking about an entrepreneurial idea that someone should pursue. I call it Real Life U.

The truth is that we receive a particular type of education in schools that doesn’t  include some of the most basic skills that we need. There used to be shop and woodworking classes but those have mostly gone the way of the buggy whip. My mother learned how to sew and cook in high school but few institutions of learning offer such courses anymore. I once knew a PE coach who brought old cars to the school and worked with some of the students after hours to repair them. They walked away with some very valuable hands on skills that they truly appreciated having. His little workshops were quite popular indeed. I wondered then and now why we don’t have more of that type of training available for everyone.

It’s possible to learn almost anything on the Internet, but because I am a very kinesthetic kind of person I need real lab experience before feeling comfortable that I have mastered a particular skill. I know that watching a picture helps but there are nuances with regard to the way one stands or positions the hands and so forth that often make a huge difference in success or failure. By having an actual building where one can go to learn how to do just about anything under the guidance of experts there can be opportunities for practice and trouble shooting.

I envision students of all ages learning everything from how to style hair (my personal favorite) to how to install lighting or repair plumbing. I can see franchises popping up all over the country just like the cooking classes and painting sessions that have become so popular. I know that I would be quite interested in enrolling to learn all sorts of things that never come up in our academically focused public schools. I am able to solve quadratic equations in four or five different ways but I have no idea how to properly repair a rotting board on a house.

Surely someone reading my blog is going to think, “Aha! This is my ticket to wealth.” I really believe that there is a market. Right now we have a number of specialized learning situations in far flung locations but this would be one stop shopping for everyone. Over time it would be easy to determine what subjects are most in demand. I suspect that people will love it. Groups might come for an evening to learn how to apply makeup for different occasions or for many weeks to master the skill of putting pot lights in a kitchen.

Who knew that escape rooms would become as popular as they have? They are now popping up everywhere with storefronts catering to the locals. I heard recently about a man in Minnesota who started a recreational business called Extreme Sandbox. He leases several acres of land and a fleet of heavy equipment and provides adults with the bucket list activity of a lifetime. For one hundred dollars they can operate a steamroller or a bulldozer. He averages at least four hundred customers a month and is doing so well that he recently opened a new location in north Texas near Dallas. He says that he gets almost as many women as men, and groups from various companies come for team building activities. They leave so excited that they often return multiple times on their own.

There are no doubt many many ideas for starting new and different kinds of businesses than anyone has even considered. It usually begins when someone like me has a problem that needs solving and they realize that there is really nobody out there addressing the issue adequately. Most inventions begin this way.

I don’t want to spend my twilight years investing my time in creating such things, but I am more than happy to pass along my idea of Real Life U to someone else who might be interested. With a bit of hard work and some marketing genius Real Life U might become the McDonald’s of leisure learning. Just remember me when I come to use your services and give me a little discount. All I really want is to have a safe place where I might learn how to tame my hair and get it to behave the way my hairdresser does without disparaging comments. Who knows, I may see other classes while I’m there and sign up for them as well. I’m crossing my fingers that someone out there takes the initiative. We are all waiting to learn how to do the things that will allow us to live happier and more complete lives. Get those old cars out there for someone to repair. Turn on the blow dryers for the styling challenged. Real Life U here we come! All hail our alma mater!

Stay Calm and Get Cool

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

178738264-800x500My maiden name was “Little” and I do my best not to sound as though I am related to the chicken of storybook fame who has the same moniker. I’m also quite aware that all of my first world problems are minuscule compared to the troubles that people face in most parts of the world. Still there are times when life becomes a bit too hectic for my taste. Of late events are certainly trying my patience and tempting me to complain a bit about falling pieces of sky. I’m determined not to go there, but if I am certainly feeling a bit more stressed than is healthy.

I’ve managed of late to work my way through worry about one of my daughters who received a troubling diagnosis in her most recent annual physical. After multiple tests the original problem was downgraded to one that must be watched but doesn’t carry the dire predictions that her doctor originally thought were certain. I heaved a welcome sigh of relief upon getting such encouraging news and chided myself for surrendering to so many sleepless nights while the process was playing out. A physician for whom I worked many years ago once cautioned me not to brood over medical conditions until the final word has been set in stone. He noted that far too many people let their anxieties run wild, all for no reason. I have tried to follow his instructions but it isn’t always easy, especially when a loved one is involved. I’m thankful that the worst of the concern is now past.

Within days of hearing of my daughter’s difficulties my oven caught on fire. Had I not been in the room and also had a fire extinguisher at hand I suspect that my kitchen might have burned down and perhaps even my entire house. I had to feel grateful that I was able to minimize the damage, but purchasing a new oven was not exactly on my priority list. I tried to laugh at the accident, find a replacement and move on from the irritation. I must admit that I love the sleek new look of the one that I found and it bakes at a very even temperature. I’m sure that I will enjoy having a more up to date appliance, so I don’t want to dwell too long on the expense.

I’ve written of my do it yourself disaster on my lovely pave stone patio. What should have been a quick cleanup job has turned into a weeks long attempt to remove the gray haze from the bricks and restore the color that had turned to gray after we used the wrong product to fill in the crevices. With the concerned help of two friends who read my blog I managed to find some experts who have guided us in the correct ways of eliminating the blemishes. It is going to take many weeks and a great deal of patience but we are already seeing amazing results. I feel certain that we will one day be laughing at the whole episode and wondering why we ever even thought that we might have to live with a monstrosity of our own doing.

Just as I was beginning to relax and breathe again we noticed that the air conditioning unit for the upstairs of our home was blowing hot air. Since I live in one of the most hot and humid cities in all of the United States air conditioning is almost as necessary as air and water, even though there was a long ago time when I lived in a home that had nary a cooling system beyond the built in attic fan that circulated a continuous stream of hot air through the rooms all summer long. The days of living in such primitive conditions are long past for me. I don’t know how many days I would be able to endure before crying “uncle” if I had to return to open windows and fans. So of course we had to call the repairman and his news was as bad as it could be. We must replace the unit with a new one.

I suppose that I saw this situation coming. My system is after all seventeen years old. Central City Air has been keeping it on life support for several years now. For a number of three hundred dollar payments we have made it through the hot season again and again. I suspect that the old unit just couldn’t hold up any longer. It was a valiant and dependable help for more years than most. It’s now time to lay it to rest. The trouble is that the pain of bringing a new unit in could not have come at a worse time. I’m bleeding from the cost of repairs and it just doesn’t feel good. My dreams of doing things that are far more fun are fading away. My funds are instead providing dental work, surgeries, new dishwashers, dryers and such. Oh the joys of growing old in an old house!

I know that I should not even think of complaining. I realize that I am blessed. I am as spoiled as any American. We have a bad habit of whining about things that no doubt seem trivial to someone who lives in a house with a dirt floor and no plumbing or electricity, wondering where to find the next meal. My problems are nothing compared to theirs and yet here I am griping. Still, I know that if I allow myself a moment to vent I will ultimately be just fine. We certainly don’t have to be perfect all of the time and I am taking this opportunity to be briefly woeful before returning to my cheery optimistic self. I understand far too well what real troubles are and this isn’t it.

One shoe drops and then another. Things break and we decide whether to replace them or not. It is hardly the end of the world. My life is so good that I sometimes wonder why out of all of the people on this earth I have been so blessed. I certainly did nothing to deserve my good fortune. It just seemed to happen and I have benefitted greatly. I will get through this inconvenience just as I always have for all of my life.

Sixty years ago I woke up to find that my beloved father was dead. I truly believed at that moment that my family and I would not survive without him, but we did. About fifty years ago my mother endured a mental breakdown that was as frightening as anything that I have ever experienced. I wondered how I would be able to help her through her terrifying illness, and somehow over the next forty six years I managed to find her the care that she needed to lead a fairly normal life. A broken air conditioner is trivial in comparison to such things. I am a rock, a warrior, a mighty woman. With my husband by my side and my friends to offer advice and help I will conquer anything. I’m ready to stay calm and get cool.