All It Takes Is A Little Love

The photos on my phone were littered with bad shots, silly pictures, junk that seemed meaningful at the time but now just steals away memory space. I spent a couple of hours cleaning up the photographic house. In the process I took a walk down memory lane and it was quite lovely and nostalgic. Then I reached the pictures from 2020 to the present and things began to change. 

There were fewer and fewer images of other people and the ones of me and my husband often featured the two of us wearing masks. I was reminded of the clever trips that we took using our trailer so that we would not have to interact with other folks who might make us sick. I marveled out our ingenuity in keeping ourselves sane during the horrible pandemic time but I also began to recall how lonely and isolated we had all felt. We kept ourselves virus free but we also lost friends and acquaintances both to Covid and because of our political differences. Death and sorrow seemed to hover over the time like a shadow that not even our forced optimism was able to overcome.

As I scrolled closer and closer to the present day I encountered photos of loved ones who have died in the last couple of years. The photos seemed to serve as evidence of just how much our lives have changed. The ranks of our friends and family members are thinner now. Even those who remain are less inclined to invite us to meet with them or come to their homes. Gone are the celebrations of life that jumped from the smiling faces before 2020. Our isolation lingers not so much because we are still afraid of bringing illness into our home but because so many seemed have lost interest in entertaining. Even our trailer has sat unused for two full years. 

I have to admit that I found myself wishing that I had never embarked on the attempt to make more sense of my photo library. The most recent years have left me feeling as though very important people are missing in my life for one reason or another. Some have died and I admit to missing them terribly and wishing to have just a few more minutes with them. Some decided after years of friendship that they no longer felt comfortable with my political views. Others became incredibly busy trying to reconstruct life after the pandemic. Now I mostly stay in touch through phone calls and text messages but rarely see them in person. Even my attempts to create reasons to get together have all too often fallen apart. 

I sense that the worldwide pandemic left a kind of worldwide mental breakdown in its wake. We humans are having a difficult time adjusting to the massive losses and interruptions in our lives. We seem to be trying to act normal but somehow it isn’t working as well as we had hoped. The sadness and anger that arose during that time has left a residual goo that resulted in less trust in so many of the societal bulwarks that once made us feel so secure. It is as though there was also a kind of worldwide earthquake that created vast shifts and chasms that we have yet to overcome. 

I wish that I knew what to do. I know that it is impossible to go back and have a redo based on the knowledge of hindsight. We just have to deal with the realities of the situation but so many of us feel a bit helpless in knowing how to begin. Nonetheless the photos or lack of them gave me some important clues. 

If we start with the youngest among us we should see that they have not experienced important milestones in their development that we all need. Their schooling was interrupted. They lost opportunities to to grow together. They watched their elders fighting with each other rather than working together in a spirit of cooperation that might have inspired them. Their faith in so many of our societal structures have been sorely tested and they find themselves questioning what it is all supposed to be about while their elders often poke fun at their ideas. 

If we jump to the oldest among us we also see a loss of precious time that they will never get back. They were among the biggest losers of people that they loved. Life changed so dramatically for them and they mostly faced the pain and sorrow alone. The world moved on from them too early and they grew older faster because of the loneliness. 

The bulk of the responsibility fell on the young men and women of working age. Many of them began to work from home. They married with small intimate weddings. They had their first children without the usual fanfare. They found themselves operating in a world for which they had never planned. They had to balance so many responsibilities that they barely had time for sleep. They had to wait for everything to be normal again and somehow the same normality they had once known never really returned. In some parts of the world they even had to deal with wars, famines, earthquakes, and other disasters on top of the upheaval from the virus. They did their best to remain steadfast in their resolve to keep things moving forward but nothing around them seemed to be the same. There was a worldwide seismic shift, a once in a generation challenge that is still reverberating across the globe. 

I cleaned up my messy photo library but left that task feeling quite pensive and determined to do my part to understand and help those who have lost the most through no fault of their own or anybody else for that matter. We were engaged in a world war on a virus. As with any war damage was done. Now it is time to make peace with one another and do whatever it takes to rebuild with a happy future in mind. That will take dedication on our part. We each have jobs to do. Perhaps the place to begin is outside of ourselves. We owe it to those we love to repair the world and make it even better than it was when the virus invaded it. It’s time to work together because we all need each other. Let the future photos demonstrate that what we are going to do becomes an effort that brings us back together. 

Everyone has a secret to share. Mine is that I majored in English hoping to teach that subject one day. Because I took a number of mathematics classes that were not as demanding as all of that reading and writing was, I ended up teaching math in my first job as an educator. The rest became my history. I nonetheless often imagine myself reading the tracts of famous authors with my students and showing them how to interpret the metaphors and many figures of speech that enlighten the literary experience. I see irony and hyperbole in everyday life, but most especially in the work of a great writer or filmmaker. When a story or movie is elevated to more than just a rendering of a factual story i get quite excited. Such was my reaction upon seeing the highly praised movie, The Conclave based on the book of the same title.

I am a Catholic who spent twelve years under the tutelage of nuns and priests. Religion classes, were a daily affair in my upbringing as were prayers and masses. I was a dutiful and diligent student of my faith so much so that the sisters who taught me once attempted to recruit me for a life as a nun. While I read every book in the library detailing the stories of saints I never saw myself being devoted enough to spend my life in a convent. 

I love my church but understand all too well its imperfections. For that reason I viewed The Conclave the way I believe it was meant to be seen, as a fictional work of art, not a critique of issues that the Catholic Church has encountered over the decades. We all know what they are: the subservient role of women, the hiding of pedophiles, the common sins that all humans commit, the resistance to meaningful change. These are all aspects of the Catholic religion that have garnered controversy so showing any of them in a movie is not an insult, but rather a nod to the realities that we know must be continually addressed. 

With that said, I watched The Conclave knowing that its purpose was to weave a fictional tail with a touch of mystery. I assessed it the way my high school English teacher, Father Shane, taught me to review any work of art. He urged us not to simply retell the story but rather to strive to see the main point that the writer or director was attempting to convey. Thus I saw that The Conclave was a sumptuous delve into the human characteristics that define each of us. It studies our relationships with religious beliefs and with each other. It looks at both our strengths and our weaknesses against the backdrop of the election of a new Pope, process steeped in unwavering tradition.

If we were indeed perfect there would have been no need for Jesus to die on the cross to save us. If we never fell prey to sins of jealousy or lust for power the ten commandments would have been moot. Instead we know that even the apostles showed weaknesses in times of distress. Thus movie reveals that the Cardinals gathered to elect a new Pope came with their own preconceived notions, doubts and flaws. The story is one that poses many questions including thoughts about the changing roles of women in a modern world. 

The film is lush with color and views of the Vatican. The acting is worthy of the finest Shakespearean play. I am quite certain that Father Shane would have enjoyed it as much as I did. The questions posed are current. The traditions transcend the centuries. It is fascinating and sure to garner many kudos in the coming awards season. 

When I was a young girl I remember that movies were rated by the Catholic church and sometimes ranked with an X which meant that it was seriously wrong to even think of watching them. The old movie Peyton Place was such a film. I never had any desire to see it, but when I was well into my fifties I grew curious to know what had been so horrific about it that it earned one of those X ratings. I can’t even begin to describe my surprise when I watched it and found it to be rather silly and somewhat sad. I wanted to think that we had come a long way from being judgmental about people who think or believe differently from ourselves. Somehow I just can’t see Jesus condemning anyone without looking deeply into his or her heart. After all, he was all about forgiveness. It was his reason for dying on the cross. He knew that we would sometimes falter and even fall. He was all about giving us chances to redeem ourselves. 

The Conclave is more than just a story about the election of a Pope. it is a philosophical and psychological peek into the good, the bad and the ugly of our human natures. It is a brilliant masterpiece that asks us to think about possibilities before we judge.   

I have a friend who has experienced an incredibly tough life. He parents were demanding alcoholics but she somehow overcame the consequences of their addictions. She loved them in spite of their flaws and became a teetotaling coffee drinker who has never let alcohol pass through her lips. She is a strong woman who has made her way through all of the ups and downs of her life.

She was happily married until she learned that her husband was having an affair with her best friend. It tore her heart apart but she just kept on trucking and supporting herself even when she developed a blood disease that required regular transfusions. All the while she was one of those people who really cared about the well being of her friends. I count myself lucky that I was one of them. 

She and I always have fun together and she is never a fair weather friend. Whenever I have troubles she is the first to check on me and allow me to vent about my woes. We really want the best for each other so I was thrilled when she found love and married again. Tragically her joy was not to last. Over time her new husband had multiple strokes that left him bedridden with her reaching deeply inside her soul to find the strength and the wherewithal to care for him. 

For many years she was his nurse, never complaining about the constant vigilance that isolated her from much of the world. I saw her as a loving angel and marveled at her devotion even knowing that I should not have been surprised. After all, she has always been that kind of special person with those she loves, including me. 

After a very prolonged illness her husband died and she was quite lonely. She did not know exactly what to do with herself since the role she had played for so long was over. it took time for her to find her resolve once again. Along the way she met a wonderful man. They had both taken care of sick spouses for many years. They bonded over the mutual understanding of what each of them had experienced and before long they decided to get married. 

She has had a wonderful time with her new life which she so deserves. She has continued to be an incredibly faithful friend as well. No matter what else in going on in her life she always checks on me and boosts my ego. I am happy for her and hope that her trials are mostly over even as she and I both age and face the uncertainties of growing older. 

I have been blessed by this woman’s presence in my life. We have grown up together, had children together, laughed and cried together. I can totally be myself with her. It does not matter what her mood or my mood may be. We celebrate each other’s happiness and support each other when things are not going well. Nothing is out of bounds. We can literally feel the love encircling our relationship.

Such remarkable friendships are treasures. They only happen when two souls come together without any preconditions. Two people see each other, hear each other, care about each other. I have had others that were just as strong but for one reason or another they have dwindled over time. Two of my dearest friends died and others became overwhelmed with other responsibilities that made it difficult for them to find the energy needed to keep our friendships blossoming. They were fabulous in a certain time and place but not meant to be for a lifetime. 

My mother-in-law used to ply me with her wisdom. She pointed out that people come and go in our lives as we need them. Only a select few stay through the decades. She pointed out that when Jesus was dying on the cross his mother, Mary Magdalene and the apostle John were the only ones who were there in spite of what had seemed like his growing popularity and the fact that he had twelve apostles. She maintained that most of us will have only one or two people who stick with us through fire and ice. 

I have been blessed with wonderful people who have been beside me in the different stages of my life. They have shared my worries and my joys. They have been the right people at the right time and I have loved them. I feel so privileged to enjoy the longevity of my dear friend who might have had so many viable excuses for leaving my side. Like a loving sister she has been as steadfast as I have needed her to be. What a wonderful gift she is! I would like to think that everyone finds such a person. 

I will try to measure my words carefully as I write how I am feeling, but experience has told me that no matter how hard I try to be calm and understanding there will be those who misinterpret my intent. I still physically hurt over the results of the presidential election last week. I have tried to make sense of it but I find myself coming up without answers again and again. Mostly I have been silent in my grief, but a few friends have reached out to me and we have commiserated with each other. I suppose that most people have simply moved on and are ready to jumpstart the holiday season, but it will take some time for my heart to mend because I have so many questions about what went wrong and why what I saw as goodness and justice was viewed so differently by the majority of Americans, many of whom are members of my family and dear friends.

I will admit that I have never once voted for Donald Trump. In my mind he represents the exact opposite of how I was taught to believe and be. It is clear to me that he has little respect for women and that he is a boastful man who often bullys the most vulnerable among us and anyone who dares to disagree with him. I have never heard him speaking with kindness and I feel that he has misrepresented himself as a Christian and protector of our nation. Every word he utters, every deed he performs seemed more concerned with enriching and enhancing his own power and wealth. His first term in office was chaotic and ended with the deaths of far too many Americans from Covid that he might have saved if he had not been so intent on making light of the pandemic. His dishonesty and bungling left most of the good men and women who had worked for him warning the rest of us that he is not to be trusted with the reins of our nation. 

Then came January 6, 2021, when I saw and heard Trump become a dangerous force by taunting his followers with lies about the election that he had fairly lost. He turned on his own Vice President, Mike Pence, and goaded the people whom he had called to Washington to storm Congress and stop the legal certification of the election. It was the most stunning and traitorous moment that I had seen in my lifetime. I thought that surely he would go down infamy and never again be allowed to go near the Oval office. It was apparent to me that he could not be trusted to represent the democratic republic on which we all rely. The image of that day will never leave me. I can never forgive him for the insurgence that he created. If not for the courage of Mike Pence and the members of Congress we might have lost our government and the soul of our nation on that day. 

For four years I have waited for justice to come to Donald Trump only to be disappointed again and again. I have watched him carefully the way that my mother taught me to protect myself from those who might harm me. I listened to what he was saying and doing and it was all so horrific to me. The ugliness and hate that he spewed from his mouth made it all the more unbelievable that he did not seem to lose his faithful followers. The fact that no real punishment for his many crimes was forthcoming inflamed my own sense of right and wrong. I am not vindictive in any way. In fact I tend to be reticent and more inclined to a willingness to forgive, but Trump made no effort to be contrite. His diatribes only became more and more dishonest and vile. I believed that surely I was not the only one noticing this. I felt certain that in the end the American people would vote to save decency and our democracy over all other issues. I could not believe that any other concern we might have had was as important as finally sending this horrible man away. 

I realize that inflation has been a terrible burden on the citizens of our nation. For that matter it has stalked the entire world. The consequences of a worldwide event like the pandemic often take years to resolve and we have been moving in the right direction. The truth is that much of the bombast that Trump spouted about the economy was an oversimplification of the issues. He talked about the high price of eggs without acknowledging that we also had a terrible outbreak of avian influenza that resulted in the deaths of many of the chickens. He never addressed the worldwide supply chain issues that affected trade because of Covid. He acted as though all we needed to do to bring down the price of gasoline is drill more when surely he knew as I did that in the last four years there has been more drilling in the United States than in the four years of his presidency. The US companies are delivering oil on a large scale. Prices have come down.

The truth is that the economy is complex and no longer based only on what happens in the United States. International trade is essential to businesses and installing strict tariffs may indeed make things far worse. The unintended consequences of such a move will no doubt create an artificial trade war that will trickle down even to all of us and will most certainly increase the price of goods even more. 

The issue of immigration certainly needs to be addressed. Most of us agree on that. Sadly Trump used his influence to kill a bill in Congress that would have been a start in the right direction. His promise to deport millions will be chaotic and inhumane. It too will have a negative effect on the economy and no doubt on our reputation in the world. I suspect that many innocents will be caught up in the hunt for illegals and the cost of such a huge endeavor will be mind-blowing. 

How do I know these things? It is because I spend hours each day researching every issue. I listened to the exact words that Trump uttered at his many rallies and on his Truth Social platform. I read the analyses of economists, constitutional experts, scientists, lawyers, anyone who had carefully studied each of the issues and in virtually every instance it became apparent to me how disastrous a Trump presidency would be for all of us. For that reason I made a terrible error in judgement. I assumed that everyone else was thinking the way I was and that we Americans would set things right by resoundingly rejecting the evils and lies of Donald Trump once and for all time. 

I have been devastated to learn that not only did few people see things the way I do but that many of them truly see people like me as the hateful and ignorant ones. As though I am looking into a fun house mirror I hear them repeating a distorted version of my own feelings. They see Trump as the savior, the good Christian man who will protect us and bring down prices and make our nation strong while I am literally drowning in concerns over whether or not our country will even make it when we have given so much power to such a weak and cruel man. 

So this is how I am feeling. This is what I believe. I have cried and felt a sense of anxiety that is soul crushing. I would like to be wrong but somehow my instincts tell me that the times ahead will be treacherous for us all. I won’t be unfriending anyone. That is not my style. My love for friends and family is unending even when they turn on me. For now I have to heal my disappointed heart. There will be serious work to be done to get us through the coming years. I hope that the day will come again when we are led by decency and concern for all. I will be working to make that happen. I want our young citizens to have a role model who does not spew hate, division and lies. I want a president who will make us proud again. I know there are people out there who will fit the bill. Hopefully the damage that Trump will surely do will not be enough to destroy us. We have much work to do. 

Back at the end of the nineteen seventies my husband brought home a TRS 80 computer from Radio Shack. I thought he had lost his mind when I heard what he had payed for the thing but I composed myself when I saw the look in his eyes as he described what he believed was the future of technology. That machine worked with a tape deck and did very little but he made it sing, spending hours guiding it do things that seemed a tiny bit amazing. 

It wasn’t long before he became an Apple groupie bringing one of their computers into our home with as much optimism as he had shown for what we jokingly called the “Trash 80.” I was actually impressed with the Apple II e with its two floppy disc drives. I was able to do a great deal more with his increased capabilities and larger memory. By then our daughter was learning to do some simple programming to create a game and my husband was making the computer do all kinds of useful things. He created a wonderful electronic system for storing and averaging grades that I got permission to use instead of the old fashioned handwritten and calculated grade book. Our family was on its way to a technological world and I was not at all angry that we were running ahead of the curve. 

Of course we’ve updated and upgraded consistently since those times. The laptop that I use to compose my blogs has more capabilities than the huge machines used at NASA to put men on the moon. I almost take the convenience of my phone and my watch and all of the other advances for granted these days. I get to places I have never before been without a paper map. My phone provides wonderful directions. I constantly look up information on my computer. I have multiple digital subscriptions to newspapers and magazines. I easily stream movies and television programs. I can remotely teach with Zoom. I marvel every single day at how much easier it is to live than it was way back when so many things had to be done by hand. I even have a little robot that vacuums my home leaving me with more time to do other things.

My husband continues to look ahead at the inventiveness of humans. He plans to get a new phone that will monitor many of his health issues. He is excited about trying AirPods that will supposedly act as hearing aids. Mostly he is fascinated by the promises of Artificial Intelligence. Thus we found ourselves watching a special program about the future of AI hosted by Oprah Winfree. 

Oprah looked at the good the bad and the ugly of AI. There are things that it may one day do that will change the way we educate our children and diagnose diseases and health issues. At the same time we are already seeing the capability of AI to create untrue situations that appear to be quite valid. All of the experts were both excited and wary of what the next ten years of AI may bring to society. If we are measured and sensitive to the needs of humanity in using AI it may create a wondrous world. In the wrong hands it has the potential to wreak havoc.

All of the experts who spoke insisted that the very sensitivity and creativity of humans will be the key in using AI properly. For example, teachers can use the diagnostic abilities of AI to quickly learn the individual needs of each and every student, but their personal touch will still be key in helping students to overcome deficiencies. Machines can’t build confidence or know the best way to work with someone. So there is a consensus that teacher will always be necessary. Sadly there is great concern that some jobs may become extinct with AI so society will have to be certain that everyone still has meaningful work to do. 

We have already heard about AI mimicking voices so well that different scams have been successful. People have been bullied and even black mailed with AI photo and video creations that make them appear to be deviant or criminal. The FBI has confirmed such instances that pushed individuals to commit suicide. We humans will have to become much more careful about jumping to conclusions based on evidence that may in fact have been altered or just made up from someone’s sick imagination. 

Nonetheless less the most avid fans of AI including my husband seem to think that overall the rapidly improving technology will rock the world even more than computers have done. They imagine elderly individuals being able to live in their homes with incredible machines that cook, clean and care for them. They see knowledge being conveyed at the fingertips of everyone. They predict a world in which much of the drudgery of labor will be performed by machines leaving us to use the more creative and inventive sides of our natures. 

I’m not so sure that I am totally convinced that this will be a good thing. I envision all kinds of problems. It is part and parcel of my training as an educator to anticipate hiccups before they happen. I see many things that might go wrong, especially since the process is moving so quickly that we may not have time to adapt and notice the kinks before they do great damage. I find myself being a bit unenthusiastic like I was when the TRS 80 came into my home. I’m hoping that my worries about AI will be just as unlikely as they were with technology back then. I like the idea of progress but will hold my opinion until I see what happens.