I have dreamed a great deal in the past year. My mind has somehow recorded my 2020 concerns in short confusing vignettes which leave me wondering about the meanings of all that has befallen humankind. My mother and my mother-in-law are frequent visitors to my nocturnal travels. I suppose that they represent my longing for the wisdom and comfort that they always brought to me when they were still alive. I tend toward impatience and overanxious determination to take charge of uncomfortable situations and they always understood how to calm me and show me how and when it was best to simply wait.
I’ve been frantically searching for a place where my husband Mike and I might get the vaccination for Covid-19. I have grown weary of my isolation from the rest of the world and long to feel freer to congregate with my fellow humans. I suppose that is why my mind takes me to see the two women who so often guided me in days past. My dreams of them are cautioning me to stay the course just a bit longer.
I keep dreaming of a house that my mother-in-law never had but it feels like a warm memory of a real time. It is a lovely place reminiscent of an old English manor home with a curved driveway that takes us directly to the front door where she is waiting for us with a big smile. If is a far bigger and more ornate place than she ever actually owned. A glass wall at the back of the house reveals a sweeping meticulously landscaped lawn with lovely trees and a riot of colorful flowers. In my dream I sit at a table with my sweet mother-in-law sipping on tea and enjoying the view while she soothes the worries of my heart.
I hear laughter upstairs and find my two daughters as they were when they were still children. They are with my dear friends Egon and Marita telling stories and jokes. The group smiles when they see me and I feel so warm and welcomed. Somehow though even in my sleep I feel as though something is wrong with this lovely picture because I know that my daughters are grown women with lives and children of their own. Egon and Marita have been dead for many years. Am I just longing for a time that I never imagined would end or is the suffering created by the pandemic simply reminding me to never forget that people are always and forever the most important parts of our lives?
I am very much my grandmother’s border collie, Lady, in personality. She seemed to be always alert and concerned about the people that she loved. She stuck like glue to Grandma’s side and when we were present she watched over us as though we were part of her flock. She even corralled the chickens and kept danger away from the cow. Once she even jumped in from of my grandmother to save her from the bite of a poisonous. She almost died in the line of duty. Sometimes like her I take on the worries of the world.
I suppose that most of my anxieties center on other people. I am sometimes beyond empathetic to an extreme. I notice the slightest nuances in voices or countenances that indicate a problem. I fret over anyone that I suspect to be in trouble. That’s when the dreams come and the two women who most influenced me arrive to help me regain my balance.
There is so much unknown to each of us and to all of humankind but slowly we are learning more and more. A hundred years ago doctors and scientists did not even know about viruses or how to treat them. In under a century they had broken the code to understanding and begun to develop viable treatments for them. Today we continue to be challenged by microbes that are not even visible to the eye but our ability to understand them progresses ever more rapidly. I like to think that we making similar strides with the human mind.
I have dreams while I am wide awake as well. I think of finding ways to overcome learning difficulties and unlocking the mysteries of mental illnesses. I long for a time when ridding the world of bipolar disorder will be only a matter of a medical procedure. I smile at the idea of treating depression as easily as mending a heart. I truly believe that one day we will achieve marvels that will change the lives of those who suffer from addictions and behavioral difficulties.
Dreams are keys to our deepest thoughts. If we pay attention to them we may discover important information about ourselves or even realize that someone that we love is in need of our help. Our dreams should not frighten us even when they reveal truths that we have been attempting to avoid.
I like remembering my mother and my mother-in-law. In my dreams they become so real again. I feel as though they are still present in my life. I suppose that in some ways they are. Their influence on me is so strong that they have never really been gone. They live on in my heart and visit me when I sleep. I hope that never ends.