Some people wait for life to become beautiful. Others pick up a brush and paint it that way. ——Unknown
Life can be beyond challenging at times. Social Media often makes such moments even more difficult when those who are suffering see others seeming to be blissfully happy. Loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult moments in life but so is struggling financially or enduring a debilitating illness. There are no promises that our worlds will be as wonderful as we all hope they will be and most of us realize that but when the unthinkable happens to us it can be devastating and made worse when it appears that everyone else is doing fine.
It is perfectly normal and maybe even preferable for each of us to allow ourselves to grieve for a time in certain circumstances. It would be abnormal not to react with great emotion when the unthinkable happens. Losing a loved one is devastating and to expect the person who is enduring such a moment to be filled with sunshine and devoid of sorrow would actually be abnormal. The loss of a person who has been an intricate part of life is a shattering experience that takes months to move beyond. It is only when the individual stays in the valley of sorrow for too long that we expect him or her to find a way out of the depths. In truth, the amount of time that we each need to return to a vibrant life varies from one person to another.
It’s important to remember that there will be certain situations that may eventually begin to improve but the feelings of horror that come when we are first hit with the unbelievable often fester in our hearts only to come to the forefront of our thoughts at moments when we least expect them. This is especially so when we endure a violent or shocking event. Insisting that any of us should always be able to pull ourselves out of a valley of despair to paint a beautiful life before we have sufficiently grieved is not just unrealistic but actually rather cruel. We would all do well to be aware of the people who may be triggered by our boasts about the happiness in our own lives. I see this to be especially true at certain celebratory times of year.
This past Mother’s Day I was reminded of how our posts of fun with our families and gifts of flowers and cards can tear at the hearts of women for whom such an occasion is only a reminder of great loss. There will be those who have only recently lost their own mothers or maybe someone who has lost a child or even been unable to bear children. When we fill the atmosphere with our joy, their losses or lacks suddenly seem to be even more difficult to endure.
So I would like to suggest a change to the quote above. I think we each would do well to notice people who are struggling to see the beauty of life because of horrific circumstances in their lives. These are the moments when those of us who know them and love them should be considerate enough pick up a brush and paint a bit of happiness for them. Sometimes just allowing them to express their sorrow without suggesting that they get a grip may be the kind of thoughtfulness that they need. Being a shoulder to cry on or a safe place to complain is a gift that allows the despondent to feel normal. We all suffer at one time or another and none of us want our very legitimate feelings to be ignored or, even worse, to be judged. Nobody wants to be told to fein happiness but realizing that someone understands why we are blue is a priceless gift.
We will all face horrific situations at one time or another. How wonderful it would be to have kind and generous people just hugging us when we cry or listening when we roar at the universe. Sadly being with someone who is emoting can feel uncomfortable and all too often we avoid such people just when they need us the most. Life is always more beautiful when we have individuals who understand that the assignment is to let others know that allowing our emotions to leak out is okay. We don’t have to always be stoic and probably would become ill if we never gave way to the very natural ways that our minds and our bodies react to the horrors that creep into our lives.
It’s fine to celebrate when life is good but be aware that our beautiful lives may appear to be unattainable for someone in the middle of one of life’s crises. Be ready to hug them, value their feelings, watch for signs that tell us that he or she is experiencing an horrific moment. Be the person with the brush who shows the rest of us how beautiful we can be in our relationships. Be aware and watchful and the world will take on a lovely and hopeful hue.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 