She Still Takes My Breath Away

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Growing up as a child I was lucky enough to live in a neighborhood where families came to stay. It was a rarity to see someone move. For that reason I went to school with many of the same kids from the second grade all the way until I graduated from high school. Among those who grew up with me were a set of twins, Terry and Tommy King.

At the time I thought that they were unique. I had never before seen two people who looked so much alike. It didn’t occur to me that I would one day have two sets of twin grandchildren of my own. Back then Terry and Tommy were like royalty in my mind. They were both handsome, athletic, highly intelligent, and best of all very kind. I suppose that I was not the the only girl in my class who had a crush on one or the other of the duo. By high school, however, it became quite apparent that Terry was already head over heals for a beautiful girl named Dixie.

I didn’t know Dixie very well but whenever she accompanied Terry somewhere she seemed to be a very sweet and gentle person much as he was. I liked her very much and thought that Terry had found a wonderful girlfriend. It was obvious that he was quite taken by her and I wished him well in my heart because he had always been so considerate and gentlemanly to virtually everyone. I was not surprised at all that he was the Vice President of our student body, or that he co-captained the football team. He was not just good at everything, but he was also humble about the many positive attributes that he possessed. It seemed very right that he had found a gorgeous girl like Dixie and that the two of them appeared to be so perfect together. 

We graduated from high school in 1966, and went our separate ways. I went to a couple of early reunions but thenI would not see Terry again until we were planning our fiftieth high school reunion. I had learned that he had married Dixie and that they lived not far from where it did, but somehow our paths didn’t cross. All the while he was living out his life with Dixie and I was living mine.

Terry’s wedding to Dixie was fifty years ago this month. Over the years the two of them created a family and even built a thriving business that took advantage of Dixie’s talents. Mostly their love grew ever stronger, and whenever Terry spoke of Dixie his eyes would light up with affection and pride. Whether having fun or facing disappointments and tragedies they were a team.

Spending a lifetime with another person can indeed be challenging, but somehow Terry and Dixie made it seem easy. Nonetheless, as their daughter describes their journey it took love, commitment, hard work and a never ending sense of family to keep moving forward together. Just as when he was young, Terry along with Dixie was a rousing success at being married. My guess is that he and Dixie knew when it how to balance the serious aspects of a relationship with those that are just plain fun. They have enjoyed decades of friendship with each other and with other couples with whom they laugh and share all of the ups and downs of living. Their mutual reverence for one another, family and friends is truly an inspiration.

I was quite touched when Terry and Dixie’s daughter posted a beautiful tribute to her parents on Facebook complete with a number of photographs of the couple on their wedding day and at various functions over the years. In each and every image the couple fairly glowed with the love that they felt for one another. They were as beautiful as celebrities. Even more wonderful was a comment that Terry left under one particular picture, “She still takes my breath away.”

Sometimes it seems as though the idea of loyalty to a single person for a lifetime has become almost old fashioned. Affairs and divorces are commonplace. It is a truly inspiring thing to see two people so in love after five decades. Our world would do well have have more people like Terry and Dixie to show us the wonder of an unwavering relationship. Through their union the world has been just a bit better than it might have been. Their children and grandchildren will certainly attest to that, but so do those of us lucky enough to know them as friends.

Terry has always been a fine person. He found a woman who matched his attributes and together they have been even more remarkable. All of us who know them send our congratulations on fifty years of growing together in age and in grace. May they enjoy many more.

Shame and Honor

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Back in the nineteen nineties there was an uproar when Bill Clinton eventually admitted his indiscretions with Monica Lewinsky. Both the public and his Republican opponents decried the fact that he had betrayed his wife and his office. There was a hue and cry proclaiming that he should feel a sense of shame for his lies. Many wondered what had happened to the sense of honor among our leaders and lawmakers. For decades the stain of President Clinton’s “sin” followed him and his wife. There was a kind of self righteous furor that engulfed him and members of his party who seemed reluctant to condemn his behavior. Many like myself felt betrayed because we had been ardent supporters and some of us even wondered how it was possible for his wife to accept such a public humiliation by staying married to him under the circumstances.

I remember having a long conversation with my mother who maintained that it was fine for me to feel anger toward him given that I had thought him to be a better person than his actions showed him to be. On the other hand, Mama argued, his relationship with his wife was a private thing, none of my business. Believing in the sanctity of marriage and being a proponent of forgiveness, she insisted that it was a beautiful act of love when Hillary chose to stand by Bill even while she admitted how much his actions had hurt.

I suppose that I learned a great deal about my mother’s wisdom with those discussions. In a sense she taught me a bit about a life as it really is. I began to understand that it was not my place to judge the relationship between two adults, but that I was free to have expectations about how an elected official carried out the duties of an office. As a voting citizen I have every right to desire that our official leaders should always operate with a sense of honor, and that they should be called to task when they bring shame to our country with egregious actions. Therefore, I understood the anger and judgement that drove Republicans to vote to impeach President Clinton. He had betrayed a sacred public trust and deserved the humiliation that was heaped upon him. As much as it pained me to admit, he had brought the fury upon himself.

I was, of course, saddened by developments because I thought that President Clinton had been one of the best presidents of the twentieth century. He had done a tremendous job, but there were ultimately far too many questions about his character to ensconce him in a hall of fame. It seemed such a waste of a brilliant mind. His feet of clay had made him seem ordinary and small.

The Republicans reveled in their self righteousness. They claimed the moral high ground, and even though I had twice voted for President Clinton I had to admit that he was wrong. I too felt a bitter disappointment in how he had conducted himself.

Now as a nation we are facing an all new moral dilemma with President Trump, and to my utter dismay I find that the same Republican party that was so eager to chastise President Clinton is mostly either defending or remaining silent about the salacious and disgusting behavior of the president. I find myself wondering where the men and women of honor have gone. I worry that we have truly reached a point at which the end justifies the means. We have surrendered to the god of winning rather than asserting the need for honor above all else.

I dream of seeing a moment when a Barry Goldwater leads a contingent of party members to a President Nixon and advises him to leave office for the sake of the country. That is honor. That is high moral character. That bold action forced me to view Goldwater with a new admiration. I was proud of our leaders at that moment. Today I look into the void and see so few who are willing to stand up for what is right and good not for victory at the polls, but for love of country. I see only a handful of such individuals, and without support they just get slapped down with insults from President Trump and his supporters.

I have made a list of the few good men and women who have the courage to speak the truth. John McCain has become one of my heroes, along with Ben Sasse, Jeff Flake, and Robert Corker. They have all been willing to speak out whenever they feel that President Trump is outrageously leading our country in a questionable direction. They have been unafraid to to what they believe to be right, even when it may mean losing political support. Few others have followed their lead. There is a deafening silence from most Republicans that I believe will tarnish them individually and as a party.

In fairness I also do not think that the gloating that is so apparent in the ranks of Democrats is much better. Their own track record in regard to setting an example of high moral character is far from sterling. In fact, much of the unwillingness to work in a bipartisan manner began with the events surrounding President Clinton and has only escalated in the ensuing years. There are not many Democrats willing to view any event from the perspective of what is right and good, rather than whatever they believe will help them win the seats of power.

I long for a time when honor wins, not just among the members of the political parties, but also among the voters. We need to send a loud and clear message that lying, cheating, and dirty tricks are unacceptable regardless of who does such things. The slippery slope of acceptance in the name of winning what we want is a dangerous way to go.

Three Days in August

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Some things are so traumatic that they leave a permanent scar on the heart. We vividly remember how such events felt even years later. For me those moments have been the morning when I learned of my father’s death, the day that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, the moment when I heard that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had also been killed, 9/11, and the three days of rain that flooded my city last August as a result of hurricane Harvey.

It has now been a year since fifty one inches of rain fell in virtually every part of Houston over that three day period. I remember all of the dire warnings that were being bandied about even before a drop of precipitation made its way to earth. I made a few preparations, but truly believed that the weather forecasters were overreacting. As a matter of fact, I joked with both of my daughters in a group text noting that the news reporters were all going to have egg on their faces when the whole incident became a bust. We all three worried that such wolf crying would one day lead to disaster when none of us bothered to listen to them anymore.

Most of the people in my neighborhood stayed home all day long getting ready for we knew not what, but before long we were bored and more than ready to get out and about. Precaution kept us home nonetheless and we reverted to binging on Netflix just to get away from the dire predictions on the local television stations. My next door neighbors baked cookies to fill the hours of waiting for a disaster that seemed in grave doubt of ever materializing. It finally began to rain in the evening, but nothing about the downpour seemed to be especially alarming. My husband, Mike, and I retired feeling content that the morning would find everyone doing well.

Of course that was not the case. By the time I awakened and turned on the television to see what had transpired during the night there were already areas of town that were severely flooded. Almost one third of Friendswood which is only about fifteen minutes away from my home had been hit hard. People were being evacuated in boats after their homes filled with water. All along Interstate 45 there were reports of grave problems. The images on television were frightening, and even more so were the messages from friends on Facebook who had been forced from their houses in the middle of the night.

The rain kept coming down, with no sign of letting up. I became more and more concerned mostly because Mike had been struck down by a stroke only a few weeks before. We had been told that he was in a critical time period when the chances of his having another attack were the most likely. I began to worry that he might need emergency medical care that would not be forthcoming, but I said nothing to him because I wanted to keep him calm.

Mike was sleeping quite a bit at that time, so I took advantage of the moments when he was dozing to slowly move items upstairs just in case our house began to take on water. I put many things on countertops and high shelves in closets. All the while I monitored the nonstop coverage of the event. The news was not good. The rains kept coming and the photos got worse and worse. I prayed for even a few minutes of respite from the inundation, but none came. My neighbors and I sometimes met outside to determine how well our street was draining. Somehow it seemed as though there was no way that we would ultimately be spared from flooding inside our homes. We promised to watch over one another to the end, whenever that might be. Day two ended with even more horrific stories than the first, but we were somehow safe.

Mike and I went to bed upstairs but I slept very little. The constant droning of the rain made me anxious. I checked over and over again to see if my home was taking on water. I’d also quietly turn on the television to see if there were any signs that the rains were finally going to end. Somehow all hope seemed to be gone. I cried over the images that I saw. I sobbed each time another of my friends or relatives reported that they had been forced to evacuate their homes. I thought surely that my beloved city was so hopelessly wounded that it would die an excruciating death. Not even the stories of courage and compassion that were so numerous were able to convince me that we would somehow survive the ordeal. Mostly I continued to worry about Mike and all of the unfortunate souls who had already lost so much. One of my students provided me with a small slice of optimism when he texted me to assure me that if Mike needed to get to a hospital he come immediately with his big truck to save the day.

There were fears of levees bursting in neighborhoods where dear friends and relatives resided. It seemed as though the news grew worse and worse and worse. Still the rain kept coming and I finally reached a point of sheer terror. I had done all that I might to prepare for the worst. I was exhausted but unwilling and unable to sleep. I kept watch all night on the third day, certain that my street and my home would soon have no place to drain. Many people that I love had already had to flee. It seemed that no area of town was untouched.

It was early in the morning, about five, when I realized that the rain had stopped. I held my breath expecting the inundation to return at any moment, but we had finally reached the end. Four and one quarter feet of rain had come done without even a short pause. There were people whose houses flooded only thirty minutes before the end came. Some who had survived the deluge went under water when the county had to open two reservoirs to prevent the downtown area from going under water. As a city we were wet and tired and overwhelmed by what had happened. I truly believe that we may have suffered the largest case of mass PTSD ever recorded. Little did we realize that the work of repairing our city had only just begun, and it would continue for months, and in some cases, more than a year.

I used to love rainy days. I reveled in the sound of thunder and the raindrops falling on my roof. I have yet to find storms as relaxing as I once did. I watch the weather reports religiously. I have been on high alert all during the current hurricane season. I sometimes suffer from guilt that I was spared while so many had to endure sheer terror as the water rushed in through the weep holes of their walls. I am thankful for my good fortune, but not able to celebrate because I know all too well how horrible the past year has been for so many others.

Even with flood insurance or assistance from FEMA most people had to dip far into their savings to return their homes to a livable state. Those without such funds still walk on concrete floors and lack the privacy of walls. For many it will still be a very long time before life returns to normal. It’s difficult to know who they are because from the outside it appears that Houston is as normal as it ever was. Still we know that the suffering lingers.

We are proud of how we behaved and the ways in which we helped one another. We will be eternally grateful for the kindnesses extended to our city from people all over the world. We will move forward as we always seem to do, but we will forever be haunted by far too vivid memories of those three days when biblical tales came to life. I suppose that if we make through a few years without a repeat performance from Mother Nature we will eventually calm down, but for now we just want to reach the end of hurricane season without any excitement. We remember what happened on those three days in August all too well.

A Hero Indeed PUBLISHED ON June 12, 2018

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Somehow it seems appropriate to repost this blog on this day. 

I grew up on a rather heavy diet of reading, and my first forays into the written word were fairytales followed by stories of the lives of the saints. I admittedly felt that perhaps those icons of religion were more superhuman than I thought possible, and so the ones like St. Theresa and St. Augustine who were flawed like I was became my favorites. Eventually I developed an addiction to biographies of famous people in which I learned of the human frailties of some of my heroes who nonetheless impressed me with their courage. In those critical moments when the world needed them to overcome their weaknesses, they rose to the occasion. Profiles In Courage was like a kind of historical Bible to me that outlined some of the finest stories of humans who were willing to risk everything to do what they believed was right. I suppose that I learned much about character from the many volumes that I devoured, and in the process I began to believe that there are special people among us who have the same imperfections that we all possess but also a moral foundation and strength that separates them from the pack. The list of my heroes is long and eclectic but one of the traits that all of them shared was a willingness to admit to wrongs. They understood their own imperfections and fought internally to eliminate them, but in their humanness they sometimes lost those battles. Mostly though they were able to follow a path of righteousness no matter how difficult it sometimes became. People like Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, and Gandhi have sometimes been picked apart by people who have concentrated more on their mistakes than on the totality of their dedication to justice and compassion. I prefer instead to view them from an assessment of their willingness to make difficult and even dangerous decisions in order to do what they believed to be right. Sometimes it seems as though we have a dearth of heroes in today’s world. I admire Pope Francis for his loving candor and I think that Jimmy Carter is one of the kindest people on the planet, but in general there is far too much tribalism and anger. Those who apologize for their missteps are often deemed to be weak or wishy washy. Instead we seem to prefer people who barrel ahead with bravado even when it is obvious that they are wrong. We mistake anger for courage, bullying behaviors for strength. From out of the crowd of puppets and posers a true American hero has emerged, and his name is John McCain. John McCain is an interesting fellow. He’s from a military family who expected him to serve his country, something that he initially did willingly but with little enthusiasm. It was not until he became a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War that he began to truly understand what it means to be a patriot. His injuries were so extensive that to this very day he is unable to lift his arms to comb his own hair. When offered the opportunity to be freed simply because he was the son of an important military figure, he insisted on following the tradition of going in proper order. After much torture he broke at one point, a fact that haunts him to this day, but on the whole he demonstrated a kind of bravery that few of us would have been able to muster. Upon his return to a normal life after the war was ended he struggled to know what to do with his life. His marriage foundered, another flaw for which he takes full credit. When he finally found himself he knew that he wanted to be a public servant and began a decades long career as a Senator from Arizona. His military background led him to believe in the necessity of working with his colleagues rather than fighting them. He often disagreed with their ideas, but was willing to find ways to allow everyone to win for the sake of the country. He was admired by his fellow lawmakers regardless of party affiliation and created lasting friendships along the way. He was a principled man who believed that it was indeed possible to stand for certain ideals without ignoring differing points of view and finding common ground. Twice John McCain decided to make a run for President of the United States. In 2000 he lost his party’s nomination to George W. Bush, but came out on top in 2008. He had wanted to choose Joe Lieberman as his running mate but was talked out of that idea by his handlers, a moment that he still regrets. His campaign never really got off of the ground because he lacked the charisma of his opponent Barrack Obama, and his own party viewed him as being weak, lacking the kind of fighting spirit for which they were searching. He instead gave them fairness even to the point of defending Obama against false accusations. The fact that he was a good man seemed to have little appeal to the electorate. John McCain has continued to be his own person, even as his party has taken a direction so unlike him. He votes according to his conscience, a trait that is all but lost in the present political arena. He voices his beliefs even when they are unpopular. He refuses to be beholden to the pressures of a base or the leader of any party, and while I may not always agree with his ideas, I am in awe of his conviction. Now he is dying and in his last moments on this earth he continues to show us how we should live. He is truly among the greats in my estimation and I hope that other politicians are taking note of his character because men and women like him are all too lacking. I would like to think that the madness that is present day Washington D.C. is temporary, and that one day we will come to our senses as a nation and insist that our country be run by men and women who understand the necessity of working together for the welfare of all of us. I would like to believe that collegiality and respect will return. John McCain has demonstrated how to do that throughout his lifetime. Notwithstanding comments from our current president, he is indeed a hero.

It’s Hot!

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It’s hot out there, folks. The temperatures have been reaching one hundred degrees and I’ve been thinking of how I lived without air conditioning until I was almost twenty one years old. I’m neither bragging nor complaining. but just wondering how in the heck I was able to do that. Now I live like a virtual hermit in air conditioned comfort on really scorching days.

Not long ago the air conditioner in my car went out. I had to roll around town with the windows open. It was not fun, and my hair did not behave well with the wind blowing it around. I’ve become one hundred percent spoiled by the cooled autos and rooms that have become the norm in my city. I have unlearned the ability to survive well with open windows and fans as have most of my fellow Houstonians. Sometimes businesses and schools even shut down when the air needs repair. We break into sweats and have trouble breathing in environments that were once a way of life around here.

The local NPR station is featuring historical looks at previous hurricanes this week. When discussing hurricane Ike from 2008, they mentioned the massive power outage that came from the punishing winds. It still ranks as the largest in our state’s history. Of most concern was that people would die without air conditioning and such. It made me wonder if people died when there was no electricity at all? Were people tougher back in the day?

My husband’s ancestors settled just north of downtown Houston when Texas was still under the rule of Mexico. In the 1840s there was obviously no air conditioning or lighting or any of those things. People found ways to cope with the punishing heat of our summers, just as I did when I was young. I suppose that our bodies adapt to conditions after a time, but when does it become so bad that there really are people dying? What would we do if we had to sleep with our windows open. Would we be afraid for our lives? All kinds of questions come to mind.

It’s human nature to complain that there isn’t enough of this or that no matter how well off a person may be. For the very poor just having a roof, food to eat and a safe place to eat is a daily struggle. There are a growing numbers of homeless people in cities and towns across the country. As the price of rent get higher and higher there are those who cannot afford the most basic of necessities. I rant about heat, when there are some who would be happy just to have a place that allows them to escape the elements. Worldwide there are more individuals living in abject poverty than there are those who at least have the bare minimum. I have to admit to feeling a bit guilty for complaining that my truck is temporarily warm.

I try not to take things for granted, but I do more often than I would like. I forget that there are no doubt many who are suffering from the intense heat with no hope for a change on the horizon. I always knew that there were children in my classroom who enjoyed more food, cooler temperatures and more safety than at home in their own neighborhoods. (Not withstanding school shootings these days.) I tried to remember what it was like to live with temperatures soaring inside the house, and how it felt to open the refrigerator to see that the food supply was running low. My mom found ways to stretch what we had so that we never once missed a meal, and she had a way of keeping us grateful for what we did have rather than pining for more. Some of my students were not that lucky.

I’ve thought a great deal about how things once were and still are for some as I have read To Kill A Mockingbird with my grandson. I’ve had a number of discussions with him because I can tell that he is shocked by the portrait of the south when an innocent man was all too often found guilty of a crime that he did not commit. I’ve seen the cotton fields near my grandson’s school and thought of the enslaved people who worked under the searing sun picking the crops that made their masters rich. I’ve remembered how lucky I was even without air just because I happened to be born into a family of European descent. I’ve thought of all of the opportunities that allowed me to accumulate the trappings of the middle class.

My entire house is now donned with luxuries that I never even dreamed of owning when I was young, things that everyone seems to have these days. I rarely have to wash a dish by hand. I haven’t mowed a lawn in years, and even when I did I rode on a tractor. My refrigerator keeps me well stocked with ice. My air conditioner runs at an even seventy five degrees, fooling me into believing that it is cool even on the hottest days. My television has a screen as large as a picture window and the characters are all in living color. I carry a phone in my purse and I type my blog on a laptop that literally sits on my lap. I am able to download a book in seconds and begin reading right away. Such things have become so common place that I forget to be thankful for them.

My car will soon enough be repaired and the cool air will keep me happy and fresh as I go on my errands and to my appointments. I plan to remind myself how lucky I actually am instead of forgetting about the many people who have never even experienced such a lovely luxury. That is what it most truly is, a bountiful way of living that has become an expectation rather than a joy.

It’s hot out there and hopefully we will all stay cool until the fall comes to make the temperatures more bearable. In the meantime we would do well to be thankful for whatever we have.